Life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13

Learning & Development
Preface
The World Health Organization has defined life skills as, "the abilities for adaptive and
positive behavior that enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and
challenges of everyday life".
Life skills help promote mental well-being and competence in young people as they face the
realities of life. Life skills empower young people to take positive action to protect
themselves and promote health and positive social relationships.
In this handbook DRF identified the core life skills – Self Introspection, SWOT, Decision
Making, Values, Goal Setting, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Conflict
Resolution, Time Management, Team Work, Money Management, Self Esteem and
Being Proactive.
The Highlights about Life Skills:
Self Awareness: This includes our recognition of ourselves, of our character, of our
strengths and weaknesses, desires and dislikes. Developing self-awareness can help us
recognize when we are stressed or feel under pressure. It is also often a pre-requisite for
effective communication and interpersonal relationships we well as for having empathy for
others. This comes from the most difficult question to ask of one's self: "Who am I?"
The Aspirant is able to discern available opportunities and prepare to face possible threats.
This leads to the development of a social awareness of the concerns of one’s family and
society.
Coping with Emotions: This involves recognizing our own emotions and of others. Being
aware of how emotions influence our behavior and being able to respond to emotions
appropriately. Intense emotions like anger of sorrow can have negative effects on our well-
being if we do not react appropriately. People and situations react with different emotions in
difference circumstances. Let's think about the four basic emotions: happiness, sadness,
fear and anger.
Empathy: This is the ability to imagine what life is like for another person, even in a
situation that we may not be familiar with.

Decision Making: This is about going constructively through with decisions about our lives.
Decisions we can make can have great consequences, in both the long, medium and short
terms. Assessing different options and consequences affect different decisions.
With life skills, aspirant is able to explore alternatives, weigh pros and cons and make
rational decisions in solving each problem or issue as it arises. It also entails being able to
establish productive interpersonal relationships with others.
Effective Communication: This means that we are able to express ourselves both verbally
and non-verbally, in ways that are appropriate to our cultures and situations. This begins
with the reflective questions "What is it that I want/need to convey? And why?" It moves to
"In what ways can I express what I want to convey?" and ends with "What results do I see
as a result of conveying this?"
Life skills enable effective communication, for example, being able to differentiate between
hearing and listening and ensuring that messages are transmitted accurately to avoid
miscommunication and misinterpretations.
Interpersonal Skills: Interpersonal skills help us to relate in positive ways with people we
interact with. This may mean being able to make and keep family relationships, which can
be of great importance to our mental and social well-being. It may mean keeping good
relationships with family members, which are an important source of social support. It may
mean being able to end relationships constructively.

SIGNS USED
This symbol and typeface indicates an instruction to the facilitator.
This symbol indicates what you should say/explain to participants;
Questions you should ask aspirants and highlighted in boldface
This sy m bol a nd t y pe f a ce indica t e s im port a nt point s, including
k e y point s w hich t he f a cilit a t or should e m pha siz e .

Table of Contents
Self Introspection ..............................................................................................................................1
SWOT ...............................................................................................................................................7
Decision Making ..............................................................................................................................13
Values .............................................................................................................................................21
Goal Setting ....................................................................................................................................33
Communication ...............................................................................................................................47
Emotional Intelligence .....................................................................................................................61
Team Work .....................................................................................................................................75
Conflict Resolution ..........................................................................................................................83
Time Management ..........................................................................................................................97
Money Management .....................................................................................................................109
Being Proactive .............................................................................................................................113
Self Introspection 1
SWOT 7
Decision Making 13
Values 21
Goal Setting 33
Communication 47
Emotional Intelligence 61
Team Work 75
Conflict Resolution 83
Time Management 97
Money Management 109
Being Proactive 113

Self Introspection
“Stop to see the violence around you; start to see the
violence within you.”

Learning & Development Page 2
SELF-INTROSPECTION
Learning Objective:
To help aspirants understand how they are remembered / recognized by
the community around them.
To help the aspirants understand the influencing factors for their identity.
Help the aspirants to identify the persons with whom they need to be
associated with to reach one’s goals.
Start the session with the following story.
Do you know who is he?
Wait for the response from your aspirants. If they respond (R) by saying his
name as Alfred Noble. Say “Very good”……………
If they are unable to say his name, give a hint that “he is remembered today
by the great Nobel Prize”. Based on your aspirants response(R): If they say his
name. Say good ………If they are unable to say then tell them-
His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel
Prize. He is the person who invented Dynamite.
About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his
surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The news papers
had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was
shock. Am I here or there? When he regained his composure, his second
thought was to find out what people had said about him.
The obituary read, “Dynamite King Dies.” And also “He was the merchant of
death.” This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words
“merchant of death,” he asked himself a question, “Is this how I am going to be
remembered?”

Now ask the aspirants
What made him to change his way of life?
Wait for the response(R) from your aspirants
Their response may be like:
The statement in the newspaper
May be his invention etc…
Now ask the following questions to the aspirants:
He could have taken many actions like compliant against the newspaper. He
could have taken it easy. He could have behaved rudely against the newspaper
agency and so on...
But what made him bring in to the shift in his actions?
Wait for the response(R) from your aspirants
If aspirants respond further...Appreciate them and tell them what made him
alter his way of life.
“When he saw his own photograph and the tagline – the merchant of death” he
looked into his own self and asked the following question. “Is this the way
people remember me after my death?”
He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he
wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace.
The rest is history. Today we remember him with the noble prize.
Just as Alfred Nobel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values,
We should step back and do the same.
How would you like to be remembered?
Will you be spoken well of?
Will you be remembered with love and respect?
Will you be missed?

Now let’s look into ourselves and see how people identify us.
Draw your right hand and write down your identities.
Give them examples like I am aggressive, short tempered, stubborn,
friendly etc…. Give them enough time to work on this. Instruct aspirants clearly
what they should be writing in right hand. Once it is done, ask them to -
Draw your left hand and write down your influencing factors?
Give them examples basing on the example you have given at identities.
E.g.: If my identity is aggressive, I have adopted this from my father. I used to
see people respecting my father. They even feared to confront him. I want to
see people behave in the similar way with me. So in this case my father is an
influencing factor for me to be aggressive.”

Give them enough time to work on this. Instruct aspirants clearly what they
should be writing in left hand.
Once it is done, now ask your aspirants to write their qualities as a worker and
also as a person.
Explain them with examples like “as a person I am very lazy but as a worker I
am so active.
Wait till aspirants complete writing their qualities as a person and as a worker.
They should list down at least four qualities in each column. Some qualities from
earlier exercise may come here again. Few qualities can be the same in both the
columns. That’s okay...
Now ask the aspirants to draw a picture that represents them
If you were to represent yourself in to a picture what picture would you
draw?
For Example: I represent myself with an Eagle.
“The very reason for that is of its unique qualities. For example, it never
compromises in achieving its goal. It does not consume by outside conditions.
When it rains, it will not hide himself under any tree, but it will fly above the
clouds. So I also want to be like that.”
As a person
1. Lazy
As a worker
1. Active

After everyone is done, ask if anyone wants to share their qualities and picture.
Later ask them the below question -
Does the picture you have just drawn resemble the present? Or does it
resemble the way you want to see yourself in future?
All the information or qualities that we have described on our right and left
hands are from our past. All the information or qualities that we described as a
person and as a worker are from our past. But best of me is from our future. In
rare cases it’s from present.
Are you happy with your identities?
Wait for the response from the aspirants: You may get the response like Yes/No.
If it is yes, Say “good”…
Do you think all your identities and qualities will take you to this place
(picture)?
Wait for the response from the aspirants:
The response may be yes / no…If the response is yes then say “good, you are
doing well”…If it is no, Say “good”….” Now Say –
Whatever you are till now is because of the people you are associated. And now
if you want to move forward and achieve your goal as you have drawn in the
picture then with “Whom do you want to associate with?”
Wait for the response from the aspirants. Say your own example like, I would
like to associate myself with Stephen Covey to be a Good Trainer.
So whom do you want to associate to get in to that place? List them
down in your workbook.
Conclude the Session:
Se lf - Int rospe ct ion is t he a rt of unde rst a nding a bout y ou a nd how
t o re a ct t o sit ua t ions going on in t he w orld. It is t he f unda m e nt a l
f or se lf im prov e m e nt . The m ore se lf -a w a re y ou be com e , t he m ore
y ou’re a ble t o unde rst a nd ot he rs, w hich he lps y ou in m a ny w a y s.

SWOT
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are
heading”

SWOT Analysis
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
To help aspirants understand “What is SWOT”.
To help aspirants understand the importance of figuring out their basic
strengths and weakness and how they can capitalize on them.
To help aspirants formulate strategies to effectively build upon their
strengths/ opportunities and to overcome their weakness.
Teaching Learning Methodology:
1. Discussions on real time examples
2. Debriefing – interactive session
3. Creating interest in the topic with the help of stories
Start the session with the below story.
There was an old woman who was very fond of her little grandson. Every day
she kissed him and says goodbye when he left to school and stood at the door
waving out to him and watching him until he was out of her sight. One day as
she watched she saw to her horror a car traveling at a high speed go out of
control and hit the little boy. The boy fell down and the wheel went over his
heel before the car came to a halt. The grandmother rushed over to the
accident spot and watched in fear as the crowd that had gathered tried hard
to lift the vehicle off the crying boy’s foot without any success. The old
woman who could not bear to see her beloved grandchild in pain put all her
efforts to move the car. To the amazement of the crowd, she lifted the front
of the car off the boy’s foot and freed him. Everyone cheered her but the old
woman began to cry loudly. When she went home, her son asked her why she
was crying, instead of being happy for having done such a miraculous thing to
save her grandson.

Ask the aspirants
What made the old woman to cry?
Wait for the response from your aspirants. You may get responses like may be
with happiness, guilty etc.., list down the aspirants responses.
DEBRIEF
She realized her strength at the age of 60. She started to regret that she was
blind of her inner strength till now. If she had realized at earlier she would have
done much better.
“Taking this situation –what do you think she could have achieved if she
realized at her early age?”
Wait for the response from the aspirants. The response may be like she might
become great athletic, great player etc…
DEBRIEF
If she had discovered her strength at her early age, she would have achieved
more in her life.
Ask the following question to the aspirants
When is the right time to realize our strengths? Is it now or later at 60
years?
Wait for the response from the aspirants. The response would be as “Now”. Say
good…
Now ask your aspirants
What do you mean by strength?
Wait for the response from the aspirants.
Anything you do without any doubt is Strength. An internal resource or capability
is helpful to achieve the desired goals.

What do you mean by weakness?
An internal attribute or barrier is to achieve the desired goals.
Explain the following table.
STRENGTHS WEAKNESSES
 What do you do well?
 What unique resources can you
draw on?
 What do others see as your
strengths?
 What could you improve?
 Where do you have fewer
resources than others?
 What are others likely to see as
weaknesses?
OPPORTUNITIES THREATS
 What opportunities are open to
you?
 What trends could you take
advantage of?
 How can you turn your strengths
into opportunities?
 What threats could harm you?
 What is your competition doing?
 What threats do your weaknesses
expose you to?
Share your own strengths and weakness with the aspirants.
Now ask the aspirants to list down their strength& weakness.
Now ask them to write down their opportunities & threats. Give examples for
threats & opportunities.
Ask the following
Where do you want to focus either on strengths or weaknesses?

Build on Strengths Resolve Weaknesses
Exploit Opportunities Avoid Threats
Strengths need to be maintained, built upon or leveraged.
Weaknesses need to be remedied, changed or stopped.
Opportunities need to be prioritized, captured, built on and optimized.
Threats need to be countered or minimized and manage
You cannot run away from weakness; you must some time fight it out or
perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?
- Robert Lewis Stevenson

Decision Making
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your
values are.
Roy Disney

DECISION MAKING
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
By the end of the session aspirants will be able -
To identify the true problem in any problematic situation and get the best
solutions
To look for various possible solutions and
To make best choice by analyzing and understanding the pros and cons of
every possible solution
Many of the aspirants may never have been given the responsibility to make their
own decisions, or may never have put a lot of thought into their decisions. As the
aspirants will be given the opportunity over the next couple of months to make
important decisions, they should be aware of how to go about the process of
decision-making.
The facilitator should go through an example with the aspirants where the cons to a
decision outweigh the pros, and vice versa.
TEACHING LEARNING METHODOLOGY:
1. Creating interest in the topic with the help of real life scenarios
2. Debriefing – Interactive session
3. Lecture

Rahul is fourteen and has taken football coaching since he was five. He feels that he misses out
on many fun activities because he has to practice every day after school. He wants to quit
football coaching, but his mother will not allow him to. She says, “If you quit the coaching now
you’ll be sorry when you get older.” But Rahul wants to quit.
Start the session saying -
“I have a problem and I want your support in finding a suitable solution. Will you
help me?”
Explain following problem.
Shall I share my problem? Yes, here it is…
Give a real life situation scenario to make a decision. Or you may want to choose
the below example problem.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Example Problem:
a. What other options could Rahul and his mother find?
b. Is there a compromise that they can make to satisfy both of them?
Now can you suggest me some of the ways I can solve this problem?
While the aspirants are giving various solutions, just list them on board. The
common tendency of people is to evaluate immediately.
For example if aspirant A comes with one solution, B will immediately encounter
it. If that is the case ...say, “We will first list out all the solutions you think are
suitable, then we will see which one is better for implementation. Okay? … Thank
you. Yes what is the next solution you suggest me?”
After all the points have been listed, now evaluate and compare each and every
solution with the aspirants and finally come up with “One Solution”. Erase the
irrelevant solutions on the board. Evaluate every solution and considered each and
every aspirant’s view points.

After identifying the one solution from the aspirants, say –
Thank you for giving me a wonderful solution. Now let’s look into what we have
done so far?
First we have identified what was the actually problem. Then we have come up with
all possible solutions to the problem with your help and have listed all of them on
the board. After that we have evaluated each and every solution considering the
pros and cons and finally came up with “One Solution”. We have chosen the best
solution for my problem.
Outline the following four steps as a process by which decision making can take
place. Write the steps on flip-chart paper and encourage the participants to copy
down the steps and examples.
Step 1: Define the problem.
What is the real issue?
Step 2: Identify possible solutions.
What are all of the ways I could react?
Step 3: Evaluate and compare each possible solution.
What are the good and bad outcomes for each one? Think about your personal and family
values and the impact that the solution would have on your life.
Step 4: Choose a solution.
Which solution has the most positive outcomes?

Debrief:
All of us have to make decisions every day. Some decisions are relatively
straightforward and simple. Others are quite complex
Decision-making is a key skill in life, and is particularly important if you want to be
a successful person. Each decision presents its own challenges, and we all have
different ways of approaching problems.
So, how do you avoid making bad decisions – or leaving decisions to chance? You
need a systematic approach to decision-making so that, no matter what type of
decision you have to make, you can take decisions with confidence.
STEPS FOR DECISION-MAKING:
A logical and systematic decision-making steps helps you address the critical
elements that result in a good decision. By taking an organized approach, you're
less likely to miss important factors, and you can build on the approach to make
your decisions better and better.
Step 1: Define the problem.
What is the real issue?
Step 2: Identify possible solutions.
What are all of the ways I could react?
Step 3: Evaluate and compare each
possible solution.
What are the good and bad outcomes for each
one? Think about your personal and family
values and the impact that the solution would
have on your life.
Step 4: Choose a solution.
Which solution has the most positive outcomes?

ACTIVITY:
Creating Solutions
Objective:
To provide the aspirants with the opportunity to solve realistic problems using the
four steps of decision-making outlined above.
STEPS:
Make the aspirants to divide into groups of 4-5. Each group will be given a different
problem that they may encounter when they begin working. They should be asked
to write down their answers on the piece of flip-chart paper/activity sheet provided.
Tell the groups that they must solve the problem they have been given using the
four steps of decision-making, and will be have to present their conclusions to the
rest of the participants after 15 minutes.
EXAMPLE PROBLEMS:
You may use the following scenarios or can come with your own real life situations.
A. Someone in the family gets sick and you are expected to take care of them
which mean that you have to miss work.
B. After you get married your husband insists that you stop working.
C. Family members are continuously asking you for money, leaving you with no
savings.
D. Your friend is getting married, but an important meeting for which you must
be present is scheduled on the same day.
Go around the class and help the group if they are finding it difficult to come up
with the solution. After the activity, make every group to come forward and present
the solution for the problem and why they think it’s the best solution.

D e cision-m a k ing is a sk ill – a nd sk ills ca n usua lly be im prov e d. A s y ou
ga in m ore e x pe rie nce m a k ing de cisions, a nd a s y ou be com e m ore
f a m ilia r w it h t he t ools a nd st ruct ure s ne e de d f or e f f e ct iv e de cision -
m a k ing, y ou'll im prov e y our conf ide nce . U se t his opport unit y t o t hink
a bout how y ou ca n im prov e y our de cision-m a k ing a nd t a k e y our sk ills
t o t he ne x t le v e l. U lt im a t e ly , im prov ing y our de cisio n-m a k ing sk ills
w ill be ne f it y ou.

CREATING SOLUTIONS - ACTIVITY SHEET
What is the Problem? - What is the real issue?
(Define the problem)
Identify possible solutions - What are all of the ways you can react?
(Options)
1.
2.
3.
Evaluate and Compare each possible solution - What are the good and bad outcomes for each one? Think
about your personal and family values and the impact that the solution would have on your life.
(Outcomes for each option)
1.
*
*
*
2.
*
*
*
3.
*
*
*
Choose a solution - Which solution has the most positive outcomes?

Values
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

VALUES
LEARNING OBJECTIVE: To make the aspirants -
 Define values
 Know the importance of values.
 Demonstrate an acknowledgement and acceptance of the realities
 Identify and prioritize one's own values
 Develop an understanding of how values influence behavior
The facilitator should get the aspirants to think about their own personal sets of
values, and how they have acquired them. It is important to stress that values
should not be derived from family or friends, but instead through personal
experiences and beliefs. The aspirants should be reassured that it is good to
question the values around them, rather than simply accepting them as their own;
this in itself is a value. They should also be made aware of the importance of
standing up for your values, even if it means going against someone you love and
respect, or making someone angry. Values are a personal right, and should not be
dictated by others.
3. Lecture

Start the session with the following activity
Activity 1: Bomb Shelter
Bomb Shelter Materials: Markers, flip-chart paper
Objective: To encourage the aspirants to respect the differences in culture, values,
beliefs and assumptions.
Steps: Divide the participants into groups of five people. Tell the groups what their
instructions are. Allow the groups to work on the problem for 10-15 minutes.
Instruct the problem:
A war has just broken out, and your group is safe in a bomb shelter, which means
that you will survive. There is still room for three people. Please make a choice of
three individuals from the following list, who you would invite into the shelter, so
that they may survive also.
A pregnant woman
A doctor
A social worker
A policewoman
A 2 year old child
The list should be amended by the facilitator to ensure that cultural norms are
represented. Once the groups have made their choices, note down the choices on
the board. Then debrief on the following question:
What values are behind the choices?
Are there any right or wrong choices?
We all lead a busy life with work, fun and home obligations. In this natural state we
don’t give attention to WHO WE ARE.

Not what we are, many of us label ourselves by our chosen occupation namely a
mechanic, programmer, librarian, doctor, teacher, engineer, or such other external
activity by which we earn a living.
However, as I am sure you will agree, this is not you living but you earning a
living.
Many of us make changes from one profession to another; say from a policeman to
a computer technician. This then would identify you differently but you remain the
same "person"
So WHO YOU ARE is normally a constant, it is what defines you as a person. Are
you Serious? Lively? Caring? Angry? Loyal? Responsible? Creative?
Of course most of us are a little bit of each...but what is your DOMINANT
feature or character, how do others see you?
Activity 2: Death Bed
Conduct a small activity. Ask the aspirants to close their eyes, after a minute
instruct them as follows:-
Imagine yourself that after 200 years you are on your death bed. You can see all
your family members, friends and people you know around you. They are all talking
about you. You can actually hear them talking about you. What were you to them?
What did you do to them?
After the instruction, be calm for about 5 mins to let them imagine. Then ask the
aspirants to open their eyes. Ask the following questions but don’t expect the
answers from them:
1. What did you see?
2. How did you feel about the way people were talking about you?
3. Did you feel good or bad?

Our life is guided by the values we act upon. Many of us have never taken the time
to truly explore and identify our values. Behind our choices and actions are the
values that take us into living fully, while other values diminish the quality of our
life. You have an opportunity to base your life on the values that are consistent with
how you want to live your life. Having fun or taking risks may run counter to being
healthy. In order to be healthier, it is important to live out of the values that are
consistent with your purpose.
So - What Is A Value?
Aspirants may not be familiar with the term "values," they nevertheless operate on
some value system. The main idea behind this section is to allow aspirants to
realize that they do have values and to identify what some of these values are:
"There are some things in life that are very important. I believe that education is
very important.
What are some things that you believe are very important?"
List all the ideas that the aspirants suggest.
They may suggest such things as "having a nice house" to "owning a new car."
Aspirants often tend to be oriented to concrete concepts, and they may not suggest
more abstract ideas such as "beauty" as something of real value.
If you feel that they do not offer many choices, you could list additional values from
the list below:
achievement
integrity
creativity
courtesy
friendship
justice
relationship
knowledge
love
hard work
power
religion
respect
courage
wisdom
helping others
having fun
being honest
good health
love of family
education
liberty
justice
money

After aspirants have verbalized as many "important things" as they can think of,
explain that many of these "things" can be called "values."
The list of the things noted on our board is known as “Values”
Value can be defined as “a principle, standard, or quality considered
worthwhile or desirable”, and is related to those principles, attitudes and
feelings that conforms an individual's ethics and moral judgments. Values are
closely related to cultural environment and education received since early
childhood.
Values are your personal measure of worth shaped by your beliefs, ideas and
principles that are important to you.They shape your priorities and guide you
in deciding what is right and wrong
Values reflect our attitudes and what we believe about everything.
People's values differ and people and we should all learn to reapect each
others' values.
Examples:
a) A person who values family relations will care about his/her partner, children
and home life.
“love for my family is a value, I am willing to work hard for and maybe even
sacrifice to achieve it.”
That value reflects the fact that I believe love for family is more important than
anything else in my life. This should be reflected in my decisions and actions. If not
it is not what I value.
b) A person who values being healthy will exercise, eat the right foods,live
positively and avoid alcohol and tobacco.
From the list of values on the whiteboard, ask the aspirants –
Out of the list which four are the most important to you? Explain why you
have chosen them?

Which of these values will help you to achieve in life? (List four.)
1. _______________ 3. _______________
2. _______________ 4. _______________
Highlight the following four values which should become second nature to every
aspirant...
Integrity, Hard Work, Courage & Relationships
Values play an important part in our lives. They help us decide what we expect of
ourselves and of others. Our values help us to make decisions.

The Singer
One day, a train was approaching the small town. On the train was
a strange guy with a big suitcase. He was called David Raj, he
looked very ordinary indeed. What made him most unusual was the
fact that whenever he needed to communicate he did it by singing.
It didn't matter to David whether it was simply a matter of
answering a brief greeting, like 'good day'. He would clear his voice
and respond,
"Gooood dayyy to youuuuuuuu..... tooOOOO!"
It wouldn't be unfair to say that almost everyone considered David a massive pain
in the neck. No one could get a normal, spoken, word out of him. And, as no one
knew how he made his living - and he lived quite simply, always wearing his same
old second-hand suit - they often treated him with disrespect.
They made fun of his singing. David had been in the village for some years, when,
one day, a rumor spread round town like wildfire: David had secured a role in a
very important singing concert in the nation's capital, and there were posters
everywhere advertising the event. Everyone in the capital went to see it, and it was
a great success. At the end of its run - to everyone’s surprise in the village - when
David was being interviewed by reporters, he answered their questions by speaking
rather than singing. And he did it with great courtesy, and with a clear and pleasant
voice.
From that day, David gave up singing at all hours. Now he did it only during his
stage appearances and world tours. Some people suspected why he had changed,
but others still had no idea, and continued believing him to be somewhat mad. They
wouldn't have thought so if they had seen what David kept in his big suitcase. It
was a large stone, with a hand-carved message on it.

The message said: "Practice, my boy. Practice every second, for you never
knows when your chance will come."
Little did people realize that he only got the role in the concert because the director
had heard David singing while buying a newspaper.
SUCCESS COMES AS A RESULT OF HARD WORK AND CONSTANT EFFORT.

The Brave Little Tortoise and the Monster
Once upon a time, there was a tortoise on a ship, and the ship
sank. Sometime later the tortoise made it to a desert land
surrounded by water on all sides except for one. The landward
side led up to a big, stee p, craggy mountain. To avoid starving to
death, the tortoise decided to climb to the top of the mountain,
hoping that he would be able to cross to the other side.
When he got to the snow-covered summit he was freezing cold, and then a blizzard
started. He just managed to make out a small pathway leading down the other side
of the mountain. But the path was guarded by a big monster that wouldn't stop
shouting.
"Uuh uuh uuh!"
Such a sight and sound almost killed the tortoise with fright, and all he wanted to
do was hide his head inside his shell. But, looking around him, he saw that many
other animals were lying frozen to death and with looks of horror on their faces. So
the tortoise didn't go into his shell.
He summoned up all his courage to move down the path towards the monster. The
closer the tortoise got, the more the monster changed its shape. Then, when he
was almost upon it, the tortoise realized that what he had thought was a monster,
was only a great pile of rocks, which formed a shape just like a monster. As for the
"Uuh uuh uuh", the tortoise realized this was just the sound of the wind blowing
through a small cave.
The tortoise carried on, and eventually descended into a beautiful valley, filled with
woods, and plenty of food. The tortoise lived very happily here, and became known
everywhere as the Brave Little Tortoise.
THE ONLY WAY TO SUCCESSFULLY DEAL WITH A LIFE AND DEATH
SITUATION IS TO FACE UP TO THE FEAR IT BRINGS.

When I have values:
I know what is important to me
I am able to set my priorities right
I am honest
I am systematic when doing things
I decide before I act
I am responsible
I have respect for other people
I am accountable for my actions
I have respect for life
I have commitment in whatever I do
I show kindness
I have self control
Values only have value when they are acted upon
You have had the chance to explore your personal values and to examine
other people’s values in relation to sustainable living.

Goal Setting
Goals provide direction, a sense of accomplishment and help you
define your growth and development.

GOAL SETTING
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
By the end of the session aspirants will
 Be able to set their Short & Long term goals
 Be able to set goals using SMART
 Get to know the 3 “V” Formula for making goals successful.
 Be aware of why Goals fail and to avoid them.
This session seeks to make the aspirants aware of the need to have a long-term
goal and then helps them to verbalize their “dreams” in the form of a long-term
goal. It then encourages them to come forward with short-term plans that help
them reach those goals.
Start the session with the following activity. Ask 2 aspirants to come forward to
play the game. Instruct them as the following-
ACTIVITY 1: Number Game – 1 to 20
Instructions:
This game is about reaching number 20 first. Whoever reaches the number 20 first
would be the winner. Okay…. Now here are the instructions.
1. Two players would play.
2. Any player can start the game by choosing a number 1 or 2.
3. Then the next player can add either one or two to the number.
4. This will continue till one of the two reaches 20.
E.g.: If A starts the game with number 2(can start with either 1 or 2).Then B
would add (can choose either one or two) two and would say number 4. Then A
would add (can choose either one or two) one and would say number 5. Then B
would add (can choose either one or two)two and would say number 7 and so on
the game would continue till A or B reaches the number 20.

Note: Initially, couple of aspirants shall play with facilitator and then facilitator
should give chance to other aspirants to play with each other. Also remember that
each time only one pair will be playing and the rest would be observing for logic. No
two pairs will be allowed to play at once.
Let every aspirant play the game. Once everyone is done playing the game debrief
them. Ask them–
1. What did you learn from this game?
Wait for the aspirant’s response. Accept and node to every point the aspirant says.
And once they are done with the answer highlight the following points –
Always take the opportunity in life. (ideally the one who makes the choice of
beginning the game and chooses “two” to start will win the game)
You should know your opportunities. (when the other person gives choice to
start, starting the game or making a choice of beginning the game)Identify
your milestones. (Knowing right steps of reaching 20)
And then you can relieve to them the secret of winning the game.
Winning Game Pattern:
2 – 5 – 8 – 11 – 14 – 17 - 20
The person should take the opportunity to start the game and choose 2 first.
2 – 5 – 8 – 11 – 14 – 17 – 20 – these are the milestones. Even though in the
middle of reaching your goal, you miss a milestone, it doesn’t matter you should
rectify in the middle and try to get to the other milestone and be on track.
To reach your goal you need to have milestones. You should reach every
milestone one after the other to reach your final goal.

Building Temples - a story
Objective: To get them to understand the importance of seeing the big picture and
to discuss the need to have the drive/focus.
Now I would tell you a Story... Do you want to listen to a story? ...
Wait for response…
Yes…. Okay here it is …
Once upon a time, a king ruled over a large kingdom. One day he decided to ride
out and tour his kingdom. On a sunny afternoon, he came across a site where
hundreds of artisans were hard at work. The king was curious to know what they
were building so he rode up to a workman and asked him “What are you doing?”
The man replied unhappily, “I am making pillars in this harsh sun.” The king then
asked another artisan what he was doing; the reply was “I am tired from cutting
this large pile of stones into stone bricks.” The king still didn’t get his answer, he
asked yet another work man who said “I am a master sculpture and I am working
hard chiseling idols out of stone”. Finally, the king came across a happy looking
workman whom he asked, “Please tell me what you are doing “The Mason replied
cheerfully “Oh King! All of us here are together going to make the largest and most
beautiful temple. I am so happy to be chosen as a mason who will build the walls of
the temple.”
Discuss the following question with the aspirants
1. What was the difference between the mason and the other workers?
(Or) What made the mason so happy?
2. How did knowing his contribution help?
3. What did you (the aspirants) learn from the story?
4. What is the need to have a vision?
5. Is being able to see the vision enough to achieve the goal?
6. What else is required?

Explain or say the following:
GOAL SETTING
If you ask most people what their one major objective in life is, they would
probably give you a vague answer, such as, “I want to be successful, be happy, and
make a good living” and that is it. Those all are wishes and none of them are clear
goals.
Goal setting is a formal process for personal planning. By setting goals on a regular
basis you decide what you want to achieve. The process of setting goals and targets
allows you to choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you
want to achieve, you know what you have to concentrate on to do it.
By setting goals, you will also raise your self-confidence, as you recognize your
ability and competence in achieving the goals that you have set.
Starting to Set Personal Goals
Firstly you decide what you want to do with your life and what large-scale
goals you want to achieve.
Then you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you
must hit so that you reach your lifetime goals.
Finally, once you have your plan, you start working towards achieving it.
Setting SMART Goals:
Specific: The goal should identify a specific action or event that will take place. A
specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal.
To set a specific goal you must answer the six “W” questions:
Who: Who is involved?
What: What do I want to accomplish?
Where: Identify a location.
When: Establish a time frame.
Which: Identify requirements and constraints.
Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.

E.g.: if I want Honda Civic, then I should know which model I want, which color, what
should be the interior, & so on.
Measurable - The goal and its benefits should be quantifiable. Establish concrete
criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When
you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates.
To determine if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as……
How much? How many?
How will I know when it is accomplished?
E.g.: if I want Honda Civic in 2 years I should know how much it will cost & how much I
need to work to achieve it.
Achievable - The goal should be attainable given available resources. When you
identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can
make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial
capacity to reach them.
E.g.: if I want Ferrari in first 6 months, then it’s not achievable.
Realistic-The goal should require you to stretch some, but allow the likelihood of
success. To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are
both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the
only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every
goal represents substantial progress.
E.g.: if I want to build a house on Moon, then it’s not realistic.
Time Bound –The goal should state the time period in which it will be
accomplished. A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame
tied to it there’s no sense of urgency.
E.g.: if I want to buy Honda Civic then there should be a date, on which date I want to buy
it, else it’s IMPOSSIBLE that I will achieve it.

Short-term and Long-term Goals
Not only should you set SMART goals, you should also set both short-term and
long-term goals.
Short-term goals are ones that you will achieve in the near future (e.g., in a day,
within a week, or possibly within a few months).
A short-term goal is something you want to do in the near future. The near future
can mean today, this week, this month, or even this year. A short-term goal is
something you want to accomplish soon.
Long-term goals are ones that you will achieve over a longer period of time (e.g.,
one semester, one year, five years, or twenty years).
A long-term goal is something you want to do further in the future. Long-term goals
require time and planning. Long-term goals usually take 12 months or more to
achieve.
Tips for Setting Long-Term Goals
a. Work backwards. Think about what you want to achieve then plan steps
going back to what you can do right now.
b. Create a picture of where you want to be in life 10 years from now.
c. Think about what you need to do in five years, in one year, and in six months
to get to your long-term goal.
d. Write down what you need to do each month to achieve your goals.
e. After each monthly goal is achieved, look at your goals and adjust them as
needed.
After explaining SMART Goals, Short Term and Long Term Goals, make the
aspirants to write down in their books with the help of the given format–
What is a SMART GOAL?
Help them to set their Short Term Goals and Long Term Goals in a SMART
way
Give lot of time to the aspirant to decide on the goals. Don’t rush and go around
and help aspirants to identify what they really want to achieve in life.

S.M.A.R.T. Goal
Your Goal:
Specific
What will the goal accomplish? How and why will it be accomplished?
Measurable
How will you measure whether the goal has been reached (list at least two indicators)?
Achievable
Is it possible? Have others done it successfully? Do you have the necessary knowledge,
skills, abilities, and resources to accomplish the goal? Will meeting the goal challenge you
without defeating you?
Realistic
What is the reason, purpose, or benefit of accomplishing the goal? What is the result (not
activities leading up to the result) of the goal?
Time Bound
What is the established completion date and does that completion date create a practical
sense of urgency

After the activity explain the following –
Chasing Goals: 3 V Formula to achieve Goals
Goal setting is a continual process, and it calls for a strong sense of priority and
self-confidence. Start with easy, short-term goals that you know you can meet
fairly quickly. This will give you the satisfaction of accomplishment. Evaluate what
your goals are for the next two to five years.
Verbalize your goals to a friend or colleague. Visualize your goals by seeing it in
your mind’s eye. Lastly, take the first step to accomplish your goal by vitalizing it.
This is called the three "V's": Verbalize, Visualize, Vitalize. You can achieve
anything you want if you follow this process. It is truly been the reason for the
accomplishment of most people's goals.
3 V’s you should follow:
VISUALIZE your Goal: Imagine yourself how your life would be after ach
VERBALIZE your Goal: Speak/Tell to people you will be having this by this
date, tell yourself I will have this by this date.
VITALIZE your Goal: Feel your living your Goal, feel your having what you
have always wanted to have.
You verbalize what you want to believe. Then visualize yourself or your situation as
if it has already happened. Adding the emotion that you would feel if what you
affirmed were truly so will, in turn vitalize you.
To Verbalize is to use affirmations (words); Visualizing utilizes the imagination, and
to Vitalize is to experience the emotion as if it has already happened.

WHY DO GOALS FAIL
"We put more focus on how, when or why to start our goals but almost none on
how to maintain them."
Three main reasons:
1. Setting too many goals at once. In other words, no focus.
2. Not scheduling time to work on our goals. We set time for everything else in
our lives- why shouldn’t we set time for ourselves to follow our dreams?
3. Not coming up with an action plan. I could spend countless hours planning
everything in my head but I really need to start writing everything down.
The other reasons why Goals fail:
Avoid these roadblocks and goal attainment will be yours.
1. Fear of success and/or failure.
Some people are afraid they will fail or, even worse, that they may actually
succeed. As such, they don’t even bother trying to attain a goal. Such people lack
belief in them and in their potential. In their mind, if they fail, everyone will think
negatively of them. And if they succeed, people will be envious and think negatively
of them. But realize that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Believe in
yourself and your abilities and others will, too.
2. Lack of understanding about the goal-setting process.
Many people mistakenly believe that goal setting simply means putting a goal on
paper, setting a date for completion, marking off checkpoints as they occur and
then starting all over again. Such a mentality hinders people from success, because
a goal isn’t a one-time thing that you eventually scratch off a list. Setting a goal is
really about changing yourself for the long-term. Goals are fixed and immovable
destinations that show the world who you want to become or what you want to
achieve.

3. Lack of commitment to the goal.
Even though people state they want to achieve a certain goal, in truth, they’re
really not committed to it. Because of this lack of commitment, they don’t give the
act of goal attainment their full effort. And as with anything in life, if you don’t give
it your all, you receive mediocre results. Commitment is crucial for attaining any
goal.
4. Inactivity.
After setting a goal, writing down dates and setting checkpoints, some people stop.
They never actually take that first step needed to progress toward their goal. But
realize if you don’t get started, you can’t go anywhere. Without action, nothing
happens. So if you’ve created a goal list and now wonder why none of your goals
are transpiring, ask yourself what action steps you’ve taken to achieve your goals.
If you haven’t taken any action, now is the time to start.
5. Lack of a real destination.
People often begin setting goals without a solid destination of who they want to
become or what they ultimately want to achieve. But if you don’t have a destination
in mind, then you’ll never know which road to take to get where you want to go.
Your destination needs to be clear – something you can visualize and describe to
others. Without such a clear view of what you want in life, you’ll be forever
changing course and falling short of your potential.
6. Failing to plan.
While many people understand the formula of goal setting, they don’t have a plan
for goal attainment that’s personalized to them and their experiences. In other
words, they neglect the gifts they possess which can help them attain the goal, as
well as the people they know who may be able to help them. We each bring so
many unique talents and attributes to the table, and we know a multitude of people
who can help us in some way. Be mindful of these advantages during your planning
process and use the resources you have available to you.

7. Having too many goals.
Some people have too many goals and not enough focus. It’s like they’re standing
in front of a dart board with three targets in mind. Hitting just one target is difficult
enough; hitting three targets simultaneously with one dart is impossible. Therefore,
determine the one goal you are focused on and move forward with that one goal
only. Eliminate other goals that are secondary. This is not to say that you should
never have more than one goal. Rather, you need to realize that you have only so
much time and energy. Therefore, choose the goal that will give you the highest
ROE (return on effort) and focus on that one goal first. Once complete, you can
then focus on other goals in sequence.
8. Feeling unworthy of the end result.
Some people really don’t believe they’re worthy of attaining the goal. As such, they
self-sabotage themselves. Perhaps they suddenly walk away from the key contact
that will help them with their goal, or they neglect to do a critical activity that will
enable them to achieve their goal. People who feel unworthy usually lack self-
confidence, and confidence is the keystone to goal attainment.
9. Lack of motivation to change.
Finally, many people are simply satisfied with what they have and where they are in
life. As such, they don’t explore what else is available or what greater things they
could achieve. Research tells us that there are only two motivating factors that
cause people to change: pain and pleasure. And even if someone is feeling pain in a
situation, that pain may not be great enough, or he or she is simultaneously
receiving ample pleasure, so the person doesn’t strive for more. Change and goal
attainment only happen when you’re ready to break the status quo and truly want
something better in life.

Goal setting is an important method of:
Deciding what is important for you to achieve in your life
Separating what is important from what is irrelevant
Motivating yourself to achievement
Building your self-confidence based on measured achievement of goals
You should allow yourself to enjoy the achievement of goals and reward yourself
appropriately.
Ev e ry body ha s dre a m s a nd m ost pe ople ha v e goa ls. If y ou w a nt y our
goa ls a nd dre a m s t o be com e re a lit y , y ou m ust m ov e t ow a rd t he m
consist e nt ly a nd purpose f ully . The m ore y ou conce nt ra t e on short -
t e rm goa ls, t he m ore lik e ly y ou a re t o re a ch y our dre a m or v ision.
Y ou should a lso re v ie w short -t e rm goa ls on a pe r iodic ba sis, m a k ing
sure t he y a re le a ding y ou t ow a rd y our f ina l goa l.

COMMUNICATION
Communication - the human connection--is the key to
personal and career success.
Paul J. Meyer

COMMUNICATION
Communication is not a single act but a process involving various elements. The
process involves the sending and receiving of messages. Successful living requires
effective communication skills. Learners communicate using various elements
within the process of communication. Examining communication in life skills it is
important that you focus on the process, methods, barriers, and listening skills in
your day to day interactions with other learners through technology, speech, drama
and gestures in your learning environment.
As you go through life the success of your interactions will depend mainly on how
you communicate. This module will enable the aspirants to develop their
competences to help them communicate effectively in real life situations.
LEARNING OBJECTIVE: To make the aspirants –
Acquire skills for self management and effective communication and apply these to
their life.
Demonstrate an understanding of the process of communication
Examine the advantages and disadvantages of the various methods of
communication.
Identify the various barriers to communication.
Use the appropriate approaches for communication.
Develop appropriate behaviors to improve the quality of their relationships.
3. Lecture

ICE BREAKER: Bath – Batho – Batho Batho
Do what I say, Not what I do
Steps:
Make the aspirants to line up next to each other, and be in front of them.
Rule of the Activity: When said -
Bath – The hands should be down beside your legs.
Batho – The hands should be in front of you raised.
Batho Batho – The hands should be above you raised to the sky.
Tell them to do what you say and not what you do. Whoever does the opposite will
be out of the game. The last person left will be the winner.
THE APPROACH TO COMMUNICATION
Activity 1: Passing the Message
Instruction:
Ask the aspirants to form a circle. The facilitator will whisper a short, 2-3 sentence
tale into the ear of one of the aspirant. He/she will then whisper what they heard
into the ear of the person next to them, and so on. The last person, seated beside
the first person to pass on the tale will say what they heard out loud. Inevitably,
the tale will differ greatly from the original, and will cause a few laughs!
Debrief:
Why did the tale change so much from the original?
What does this teach you about communication?
(Listen, speak clearly, and ask questions if you don’t understand)

After the activity ask the aspirants and note down the answer:
Why do we communicate?
You might expect the below answers-
We communicate to:
have fun
express our feelings and thoughts
help others
learn more about ourselves
learn more about others
share the world with others
learn about the world around us
relax from the rigors of life
persuade and influence others
test and resist influence of other people on you
After noting down the responses start the session:
Communication is the ability to interact with others in the process of expressing,
forming and maintaining relationships. It involves listening; maintain conversations,
understanding and expressing your feelings. By so doing desired relationships are
formed through the formulation of verbal and non-verbal messages. The quality of
the communication often determines the quality of a relationship.
Process of Communication
Communication is interactive. The understanding of the message depends on the
context in which ideas and feelings are shared.
There are four main skills in the communication process:
1. Listening - an active process involving selecting, attending to, creating
meaning from, remembering and responding to verbal and non-verbal
messages.

2. Questioning - checking facts, gaining further information and build rapport
to explore opinions or attitudes.
3. Clarifying - the process of simplifying, explaining, spelling out, shedding
light on or making clear the message received.
4. Responding - an appropriate reaction to the message received.
Communication can help you recognize and realize your potential. Hence great
importance has been placed on the process and its use.
Ask the aspirants the following question
Why then is the process of communication so important?
After the response explain the process.
The process of communication is important as human beings need to make sense
of their environment and share that sense with others by creating meaning through
the use of verbal and non-verbal messages. Learning how to understand and
improve communication will improve relationships with family, friends, colleagues
and loved ones that will ultimately enhance physical and emotional health and well
being.
The image below depicts the communication process –

The image illustrates the following:
Sender - person who is sending the message to another person
Receiver - person who receives the message from the sender
Encode - is a technique which the sender uses to send the message into
language, symbols or signals
Message - is the idea or information that the sender wants to pass on to the
receiver
Channel- is the means by which the message is sent through either verbal
or non-verbal
Decode - the receiver interprets and translates the sender’s message
Responding- is the way in which the sender or receiver reacts to the
message
Feedback - is the receiver’s reaction to the message received, this may be
verbal or non verbal
Communication is a complex process of creating and sharing meaning that involves
at least two persons with a common understanding of the message. Communication
involves a process of sending and receiving of messages. The breakdown in this
process negatively affects the quality of relationships.
The elements of communication involve:
The origin of thoughts or emotions
The transfer of feelings, thoughts or actions
A message
The way in which the message is sent
The understanding of the feelings, thoughts or actions within the message
received.
Discuss with the aspirants on the following – Write down the list on the board
List the barriers which make communication difficult or unsuccessful?

Barriers to Communication includes a range of physical, mental or emotional
hindrances which can prevent messages from being passed on successfully between
sender and receiver during the process of communication.
Examples of these barriers include language, physical, emotional, mental, cultural,
situational, contextual and experiential.
Communication is unsuccessful when there is a breakdown between the sender and
the receiver. The breakdown occurs when there is a barrier to the communication
process, resulting in misunderstandings and sometimes frustration. These barriers
can be physical or cultural and include distractions, overpowering emotions, lack of
clarification, improper feedback, as well as a difference in perception. Effective
communication takes place when there is a common understanding and acceptance
of the message between the sender and receiver.

Components of Effective Communication
Always use the pronoun 'I' to express your feelings about something or
someone
Accept feelings. Respect a person’s right to express his/her emotions in an
appropriate way
Be a good listener in order to acknowledge other people's feelings
irrespective of how they have been communicated.
Be sure to communicate clearly so that you can be understood.
Be assertive. Be sure you stand up for what you believe in without hurting
the other person’s feelings.
ARE YOU LISTENING?
Activity 3:
Materials:
Prepared cards
Objective: To demonstrate the role of listening in communication.
Steps:
Give the following instruction to the aspirants:
1. Ask the aspirants to form groups of three. Ask each group to decide who will
be the speaker, the listener and the observer.
2. Ask the aspirants in each category to form separate groups far from one
another for a briefing on their roles.
Give each listener one written instruction from the below list to follow:
Listen carefully and ask relevant questions at an appropriate time
Interrupt and prevent the speaker from finishing his/her sentences
Change the subject frequently
Compliment the speaker frequently
Put the speaker down

Laugh when the speaker is serious
Talk to someone else while the speaker is talking
Look around the room and appear distracted while the speaker is talking
Give advice you weren’t asked for
At least one of the listeners should get the first instruction from the above list.
Instruct the speakers to think of something they feel strongly about, or like to
talk about, and to be prepared to speak on this topic for 3 minutes when they
return to the group.
Ask the observers to silently note all interactions between the listener and the
speaker. Remind them that they should remain silent.
At the end of the 3 minutes, ask the aspirants to reconvene in plenary.
Discuss their reactions to the exercise, what happened in each group and how they
felt. First ask the observer to explain, then the speaker and finally the listener may
reveal the instructions.
Debriefing:
Did you feel that the listeners were listening?
How does it make you feel when someone doesn’t listen to what you are
saying?
The facilitator should write down all responses on board or flip-chart paper for
everyone to see.
Listening is a process that involves selecting, attending to, constructing meaning
from and remembering verbal or non-verbal words and sounds in order to respond.
Listening starts with you. To become an effective listener you have to open your
ears, shut your mouth and open your heart. Listen to what people are saying
versus simply hearing them; you will learn a lot about yourself in the process.

Effective listening skills require that you;
Repeat what is said to you
Write it down
Maintain eye contact
provide non-verbal cues
Avoid outside distractions
Listen from the heart
Practice-practice
Mirror body language
Ask clarifying questions
Listening involves:
a) Selecting
b) Attending
c) Understanding
d) Remembering and
e) Responding

Activity 4:
Look at the pictures 1 to 4 below and identify what is good or bad listening skills.
Write answers in boxes. Discuss the outcomes.
Elements of listening
Stop whatever activity you are engaged in and give the speaker your full
attention (stop watching TV, Stop reading.)
Look at the person; do not turn away from the speaker.
Keep a good distance between you and the speaker.
Sit-up straight.

Nod your head and make statements such as “I understand," and "I see what
you mean" to show the speaker you truly understand what he/she is saying.
Indicate to the speaker if you do not understand. Do not fake listening.
Repeat back phrases to clarify what the speaker is saying.
Show interest and ask questions to show that you are interested in what the
speaker is saying.
Do not interrupt the speaker.
Activity 5: Pair Work
Divide the aspirants into pairs and give them the following situation for discussion.
Think of an instance when you attempted to share some deep feelings with
someone regarding an important issue.
How successful were you in getting the listener to understand your feelings?
What was the outcome of this interaction?
Reflect on what you liked and what you did not like.
Share with your partner your honest feelings about the discussions. Describe what
went well and what was difficult – interruptions, comments, affirmations.
A s hum a n be ings, w e ha v e a na t ura l t e nde ncy t o f ilt e r inf orm a t ion
w e he a r. A ll t oo of t e n w ha t w e he a r is not w ha t w a s sa id. List e ning
should be conce rne d w it h cont e nt f irst a nd f e e lings se cond List e ning
is a pa ssiv e a ct ion. O ur pe rsona lit y pla y s a n im port a nt role in h ow
w e ll w e list e n.
The se sk ills lik e t hose of se lf -e x pre ssion, ca n be le a rne d, pra ct ice d
a nd m a st e re d. O ur socie t y pla ce s m uch m ore a t t e nt ion on t he spok e n
side of t he com m unica t ion e qua t ion, but if y ou t hink a bout w ho
inf lue nce s y ou, a re t he y good t a lk e rs or good list e ne rs? A s w e com e
t o unde rst a nd ourse lv e s a nd our re la t ionships w it h ot he rs be t t e r, w e
re discov e r t ha t com m unica t ion is not just sa y ing w ords; it is cre a t ing
t rue unde rst a nding.

Emotional Intelligence
Emotions are temporary states of mind; don’t let them permanently
destroy you!

Emotional Intelligence
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
To make your aspirants know what are emotions.
Make them understand what are positive emotions and negative
emotions.
Make your aspirants understand how to control emotions and handle the
situations.
1. Creating interest in the topic with questions from real life examples
3. Story – How to control emotions
4. Examples on emotions from daily life
5. Examples about successful people
Start the session with the questions using real life examples.
1. After completion of your course you got a job in a well famed
company with a salary of nearly Rs.8000. What would be your
feeling?
Wait for the response from the aspirants. Their responses will be e.g.: Very
Happy, Excited etc… Now ask the second question.
2. You are a good hard worker. You prepared well for the
exam/Interview. You have even spent full night for your
preparation but unfortunately you failed in the selection. What
would be your feeling?
Wait for the response from the aspirants. Their responses will be e.g.: sad,
very bad, depressed, upset etc…
Now ask the aspirants
1. How will you define happiness, sadness, excitement and
depression?

If they respond by saying feelings
Say very good………..
If they are unable to respond then you inform them that those are feelings
for a moment which is nothing but emotions.
DISCUSS ABOUT EMOTIONS:
The situations in our lives make us happy, sad, excited, frustrated, fearful,
angry etc…but do they stay permanently with us?…………You will feel sad for a
moment if you failed in some subject or interview . You will feel sad for a
moment or for a day or for two days etc…, but not for your entire life. These
fleeting feelings make your normal mental condition to abnormal mental
condition and will control you. These are emotions.
Emotion builds on momentum. The more you let it dwell, the stronger it gets.
The more time you give it, the wilder it gets.
Now tell them about positive and negative emotions using the following
examples.
1. If your facilitator appreciates your work. you will feel very happy
2. If your facilitator criticizes you on your response to her /his question. Will
you feel happy? (R) No… so you feel bad and you will get angry on your
facilitator. You will never try to put out your thoughts before your
facilitator because of a fear of that facilitator. You will feel shy among your
friends. Right!!! ……..(R) yes.
3. If you ask your father to buy a new bike for you. If you get negative
response from your father what will you feel about your father…….Angry
and you won’t talk to him for some time till you get your things, or get
over your anger.
4. You are a good aspirant who knows something about the topic but what
stops you from voicing your thought ………..nothing but fear! What others
may think about me if I am wrong.
The feelings you get are based on the situation which makes you happy,
active, positive, angry, fearful or rejected etc...

If the emotions provide you comfortable situations in the society, and
strengthen your relationships with the people around you, you label those
emotions as Positive emotions.
If the emotions provide you discomfort and you are unable to get the things
done then you label those emotions as Negative emotions.
Tell the story of little boy
Once upon a time there was a little boy who was talented, creative,
handsome, and extremely bright. He is a natural leader. The kind of
person everyone would normally have wanted on their team or project.
But he was also self-centered and had a very bad temper. When he got
angry, he usually said, and often did, some very hurtful things. In fact,
he seemed to have little regard for those around him, even friends. So,
naturally, he had few. “But,” he told himself, “That just shows how
stupid most people are!
As he grew, his parents became concerned about this personality flaw,
and pondered long and hard about what they should do. Finally, the
father had an idea. And he struck a bargain with his son. He gave him a
bag of nails, and a BIG hammer. “Whenever you lose your temper,” he
told the boy, “I want you to really let it out. Just take a nail and drive it
into the oak boards of that old fence out back. Hit that nail as hard as
you can!”
Of course, those weathered oak boards in that old fence were almost as
tough as iron, and the hammer was mighty heavy, so it wasn’t nearly as
easy as it first sounded.

Nevertheless, by the end of the first day, the boy had driven 37 nails
into the fence (That was one angry young man!). Gradually, over a
period of weeks, the number dwindled down. Holding his temper
proved to be easier than driving nails into the fence! Finally the day
came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He felt mighty proud
as he told his parents about that accomplishment.
“As a sign of your success,” his father responded, “you get to PULL
OUT one nail. In fact, you can do that each day that you don’t lose
your temper even once.”
Well, many weeks passed. Finally one day the young boy was able to
report proudly that all the nails were gone.
At that point, the father asked his son to walk out back with him and
take one better look at the fence. “You have done well, my son,” he
said. “But I want you to notice the holes that are left. No matter what
happens from now on, this fence will never be the same. Saying or
doing hurtful things in anger produces the same kind of result. There
will always be a scar. It won’t matter how many times you say you’re
sorry, or how many years pass, the scar will still be there. And a verbal
wound is as bad as a physical one. People are much more valuable
than an old fence. They make us smile. They help us succeed. Some
will even become friends who share our joys, and support us through
bad times. And, if they trust us, they will also open their hearts to us.
That means we need to treat everyone with love and respect. We need
to prevent as many of those scars as we can.”

The Facilitator needs to ask the following:
1. What do you understand from the above story?
2. “But,” he told himself, “That just shows how stupid most people
are! What made him to think like this?
3. What matters to you most?
4. Do you think controlling anger is bigger than what matters most?
5. Do you want to leave a scar on the people around you?
6. Do you want to live with the family of the world or want to live
alone?
DEBRIEF HOW TO CONTROL ANGRY:
Every one of us has our own set of values and standards. These standards
govern every part of our lives. These are the behaviors/actions that we set as
acceptable or not for ourselves and others. When one of the standards is
violated by yourself or someone else, you will feel angry (at the other person or
at yourself) and/or guilty (of yourself).
To deal with anger, you have a few choices;
1. Evaluate whether you misinterpreted the situation. If so, the fact is that no
value has been violated.
2. If someone else violated your value, know that your standard may not be
standard for others. Just because something is right for you, does not mean it is
right for everyone else. Everyone has their own set of values; the person
probably has no idea that they violated one of your values. Follow up by
communicating to the person neutrally about the importance of that standard for
you. This will ensure that it never happens again.
3. Accept that you have violated one of your values, and vow never to do it
again. Brainstorm ways to prevent it from happening again, and how you would
deal with it if you are caught in the same situation in the future.
When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about
the situation. Ask yourself:

How important is it in the greater scheme of things?
Is it really worth getting angry over it?
Is it worth ruining the rest of my day?
Is my response appropriate to the situation?
Is there anything I can do about it?
Is taking action worth my time?
To further drive the point of understanding the emotion, “anger” in a better
way, ask the aspirants to think through these questions in an objective way (as
a third person). When they feel angry:-
'Hmmm...What is going on here?'
'Now I wonder what just happened.’.
'What is this person feeling?'
'Hmmm...What are his emotions now?'
Do this in a very objective and questioning manner. Don't make it personal,
observe yourself from afar. Be curious and really wonder what is going through
him/her right now. A tip would be to use a questioning tone while asking those
questions. This helps a lot in taking the energy and focus out of the emotion and
replacing it with a genuine curiosity to know more.
The final step is deciding how to respond & what action to take.
'Now that I have figured what's going on and why is it happening, what should I
do about this?'
'What can I do, that will help me to get what I want instead of expressing anger?
'How can I communicate this better to others?' (When the source of the problem
is poor communication)
'What is the best way to respond to this?'

All the efforts of the prior steps come down to this outcome, the manner in
which we respond. We want to control our emotions so that we can respond to
something in our usual competent manner. By disassociating and controlling
emotions, it helps us to come up with a good objective response, and also gives
us the calmness and objectivity to carry out the desired actions well.
No matter how you answer those questions, be rest assured that the solutions
that you come up with will be objective. Because you were not driven by your
emotion, you assessed the situation with a clear mind.
Ask the aspirants if they have experienced the following situations in their life.
1. What made you stop from expressing your opinion or idea to
your facilitator in your class?
2. What made you stop from telling your examination results to your
parents?
3. What made you stop from telling to your parents that you have
done something wrong?
Wait for the response from your aspirants.
If they respond like fear, say very good………..
If they are unable to respond then you tell them that it is fear that stopped
you from expressing, share your problems, ideas etc…in some situations even
people who you know so well like your parents.
Now ask the aspirants the following questions
What is fear?
They may respond by saying it feels like sweating, shivering, tension etc..,
Now tell to the aspirants that those are all outputs of fear but those are not
fear. So ask again what is fear?
Now they will be unable to respond to your question..

Fear stops you from expressing your feelings, your ideas and your
uncomfortable situations with your beloved ones……..
DISCUSS HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR:
An unpleasant emotion caused by our own belief that someone or something is
dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat………..
We create a negative, imagined scenario about the future. Here’s the truth:
you don’t know what is going to happen, so these thoughts can’t possibly be
true. Buy into these thoughts, and you are inviting limitation. Let them float
on by, and you will see what is actually true for you.
When the truth is that we don’t know what is going to happen. Become
comfortable with not knowing so that fear doesn’t rule you.
When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular
situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then
new challenges await you, which certainly add to the excitement in living.
With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength
develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.
This should be a relief. You are not the only one out there feeling fear.
Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people
who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the
fear - and did it anyway. So can you!

Start the failure topic with the following story and discuss the story
Edison was a poor student. When his schoolmaster called Edison
as "addled," or slow. His furious mother took him out of the
school and proceeded to teach him at home. Edison said many
years later, "My mother was responsible for making me. She was
so true, so sure of me, and I felt I had someone to live for,
someone I must not disappoint." At an early age, he showed a
fascination for mechanical things and for chemical experiments.
When Thomas Edison was seeking to invent the electric light
bulb, he didn't get it right for the first time. Did he immediately
throw a 'wobbly' and say, "I'm a big fat failure!"? Did he throw
his arms up in the air and sigh, "This is just too hard? I give
up!"? Did he grab a bottle of booze and become an alcoholic and
live in his memories, slurring to his fellow street bums, "I *hic!*
tried to invent *hic!* the electric light bulb once *hic!* .... But it
didn't work *hic!* out... life sucks."?
No. No. No!
When it didn't work for the first time, Edison made a note of
exactly what he'd done and what components he had used. Then
he made an adjustment to the experiment and tried again. And
when that "failed" he made a note of that, readjusted and tried
again. He kept learning from every experiment. He learned all the
ways that it wouldn't work. He discovered all the chemicals and
elements that wouldn't work. And each time he found a way that
wouldn't work; he knew he was closer to finding a way that
would work.

Pause for some time and let the aspirants think about the story
Now ask them the following questions with discussions….
What do you understand from the story?
Wait for the response from the aspirants.(R)might be like “Edison tried
10,000 times to see his success…..say Very good……….to the aspirants.
Now ask the following question
What is the big failure in your life that made you feel - sad, cry,
fear, cut down the relationships ………?
Wait for the response from the aspirants Example of (R) Passing
intermediate, not getting required job/position in the office………Now ask
the below question……….
Did you try it again to succeed?
Wait for the response from the aspirants Example ( R ) They may tried or
they may not tried…say good if the ( R) is tried with some efforts then
ask the B question.If the ( R) is not tried then ask A question
A. How many times you tried?
B. What stopped you to try it one moretime?
It took him approximately 10,000 experiments to invent the perfect set-
up for the electric light bulb. There was a lot of learning to go through.
Nobody had done it before. He couldn't read a book about it. He simply
had to plug away, failing and learning, until he and his muckers worked
out the right way to do it.

You know what you are and your efforts? and your parents know what you
are then why worry about people judging’s?
Think ones whether the judging of the people makes you reach your
success or dragging far from your near step to success.
You and your efforts are important for you to reach your success.
You must not disappoint your parents who are eagerly waiting to see your
success.
Wait for the response from the aspirants. And now ask the question below
Do you ever think who is responsible for your failure?
Wait for the response from the aspirants. And now ask the question
below.
Have you found what are the wrong steps you have taken during
your efforts and trails?
DISCUSS HOW TO OVERCOME FAILURE:
Look at failure not as something to be feared, but merely as a stepping stone
to success. If a person goes through life having never failed at anything then
how can they possibly appreciate what they have? Failure to be able to do
something leads to invention of a way to get around an obstacle or a way to
conquer the problem. Without first failing how can one learn to be successful?
Look at nature do you think that a lion can reach a certain age and just fall
into being successful at hunting or do you think that it learns from watching
its mother hunt and fail and succeed and by failing himself he learns the right
way to hunt and lives to breed himself?
Do you feel fear about the people or society who judges your failure? It won't
be long time because they're too busy worrying about their own failures.

Everyone hates to fail but what most people don’t realize is that failing is part
of success. Anyone who has ever succeeded has failed many times. So, how
do you overcome failure?
1. Learn from your mistakes and failures.
How did you learn to ride a bike? The short answer: you fell off 100 times.
Every time you make a mistake or fail, learn as much as you can from it so
that you are better prepared next time.
Action Step: Write down the top five things that you learned from your last
mistake or failure.
2. Don’t dwell on it.
Now that you have learned something from your mistake, move on. Don’t
dwell on your past. You can’t tell where you are going if you are looking
backwards. Also, dwelling on your past failures will keep you in prison right
where you are.
Action Step: Write down the top 5 things you want to try in the future.
3. Don’t be afraid to try again.
Don’t let the fear from your last failure stop you from reaching your greatness,
goal, dream, or potential. Just like learning to ride that bike, you didn’t fall
once or twice and then give up.
Action Step: Take what you have learned and try it again now that you are
better prepared.
4. Think about worse case scenarios.
If you don’t succeed, what will the outcome be? Is it something so terrible or
is it something manageable? Often when we look at things in this perspective
we realize it’s not as bad as we think and this alone helps mitigate some of the
fear.
Action Step: Write out the absolutely worst case scenario your imagination
can come up with. Ask yourself, can I handle this if it happens? If yes, move
forward with it.

5. Take baby steps.
If your fear is extreme or truly preventing you from moving forward or making
those much needed changes in your life, don’t jump in full force, take it a bit
slower and get your feet wet a little bit at a time. This sometimes eases you
into an opportunity; depending on the situation this may not be possible, but if
it is, it can help ease the transition.
Action Step: Write out all of the small steps it will take for you to achieve
your next goal.
6. Tell yourself “I can do this!” (And believe it.)
Yes, you may have failed at something in the past, but that doesn’t mean you
will fail again. Even if it’s an attempt at something you’ve never tried, keep in
mind the age old saying “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. If you fail you
can say at least you took that chance; if you never even tried, you lose, but
it’s worse than failing because you’ll never have made the attempt. Keep
positive and give it your best shot, because reaching a level of confidence is a
definitive measure of success.
Action Step: Go to a mirror right now and say out loud, “I can do anything I
put my mind to. I can do it; I can do it, IF I put my mind to it.”
7. Surround yourself with positive people.
No matter what it is that you are trying to achieve, surround yourself with
successful people that have done what you want to do. One of the best ways
to overcome failure is to learn how other people just like you overcame failure.
This will not only encourage you but give you the proof that it can be done.
Action Step: Find a person or a group of people who are successful and get
around them as soon as possible.
8. Talk to others (or read).
Reach out and communicate with others who have dealt with the same issue
you feel you’ve failed at. See what made them succeed and if they have any
tips. If anything, they’re likely able to offer some moral support so when the
going gets tough, you have some words of wisdom to fall back on.

If you don’t have anyone to talk to, get a book on the topic and learn from
someone who has been there and done that.
Action Step: Make a list of all the people you can talk with and all of the
books you can learn from.
9. Realize that failure is part of the learning curve.
Failure and mistakes aren’t fun but they are what help us learn to be great at
whatever it is we are trying to achieve. “There are no secrets to success. It is
the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” - Colin Powell
Action Step: Think back of a time where you succeeded. Then think how
many times you failed or made mistakes to get to that success.
10. Mobilize your fear.
Take your fears and make them work for you. Use them as the driving force to
conquer your hesitations by allowing them in to inspire and motivate you
rather than languish within you.
Overcoming fear is one of the biggest obstacles people have with change.
Change is intimidating, but much good can come from change, but you’ll never
know unless you try.
By not letting fear run the show, you can ultimately discover your fears are
conquered and you’ll have more confidence when the next big decision or
change arrives.

Teamwork
Coming together is a beginning.
Keeping together is progress.
Working together is success.
- Henry Ford

Learning objective:
By the end of the session aspirants
Will know that one plus one is always more than two
Will come to know every role is crucial
Will be able to realize that the team’s goal is more important than individual
goals.
Will come to know the very reasons we blame each other in a team and the
consequences of blaming others.
Will learn the qualities of a good team player
Teaching Learning Methodology:
1. Discussions on real time examples
2. Debriefing – interactive session
3. Activities
Start the session with the activities. Ask aspirants that are they interested to play
activity? Explain the activity with the instructions before the activity.
Instructions:
Ask aspirants to divide into two equal groups.
Show them starting point where first person in the team should stand
Ask them they should make a longest chain.
Ask them they can use all the resources which they have.
Brief them about the activity
Briefing:
A team which forms as longest chain would be the winner. Explain them they will
have 5min to make a longest chain.
Tell each group that the aim of this game is to make the longest chain. The chains
must be made of only the available resources which are being worn by the people
in the group. The team with the longest chain wins.

Now ask them to start the activity.
During the activity facilitator needs to be more observant to observe the behaviors
of the participants in each team. Participants’ behavior in everyday life would be
very much similar to the way they behave during the game. Hence it is very much
important to understand their behaviors and use the same during debriefing after
the game.
Possible behaviors:
Being over enthusiastic and take decisions at the last minute and cause
failure for the team (remember intention is to help the team win)
Blaming others for failure
Not building strategy even after providing some time
Not taking any action till someone asks to do so.
Giving priority to self than to team
Monitor the activity and check with links which teams do have. Ask them to come
into the class and let them settle down.
Debrief:
Ask aspirants following questions:
1. What did you understand from the game?
Wait till you get responses from the aspirants. List down all the points on the board
and discuss on the same.
2. What happened to other team could not make longest chain?
Give time to think and ask them to give answers. List down all the points and
discuss on the same with the aspirants.
Start the second activity. Ask are you interested to play one more activity?
Explain aspirants about the activity.
This is an excellent indoor Team Building challenge, where the team competes
against the clock, and with only limited resources must submit to achieve the tallest
results. Using only the materials provided, the team must build a free standing
tower, which must then stand without falling over.

Instructions:
Split the group into teams. Numbers in the team will participate according to
the size of the class.
Give each team sheets of newspapers equally.
Explain the game:
The objective of the game is to build the highest newspaper tower, using
only the newspapers.
The teams will be given a couple of minutes to strategize.
Once they are ready distribute the newspapers and allow them to start at the
same time.
During the process facilitator needs to be more observant to observe the behaviors
of the participants in each team. Participants’ behavior in everyday life would be
very much similar to the way they behave during the game. Hence it is very much
important to understand their behaviors and use the same during debriefing after
the game.
Possible behaviors:
Focusing only on building tower and forgetting to build the base
Not participating actively and waiting for instructions from other team
Not accepting the opinions of other team members
De-motivating team saying with an attitude of “anyway we will fail”
Focusing on others towers
Disturbing others teams
Giving priority to self than to team
Give the groups about 30 minutes or more. Measure how high each team’s
newspaper tower is. The team with the highest tower wins the game.
Debrief:
1. What are the learning of this exercise?

2. Write down on the board of aspirants sharing and discuss on the
same.
3. What were some of the things you did as a group?
4. How did you make decisions?
Explain:
Take the activity one and explain how team works to accomplish the tasks.
Now distinguish the team and team members. One team member in the team is not
performing, would definitely impact the team’s performance.
Better way to making aspirants to understand the importance of team work will be
defined by identifying the weakest links and co-operating them to accomplish the
tasks.
Take the activity two and explain how team works
When a team works well together as a unit they are able to accomplish more than
its individual members can do alone.
When members apply different skills they are often able to come up with a more
effective solution than one person working on the same problem.
Mutual support can have the benefit of encouraging people to achieve goals they
may not have realized they could reach on their own.
In order for teamwork to achieve the benefits, individual members must work well
together. They need to be able to put thoughts of their own accomplishments aside
to work for the benefit of the team.
Team should work for the objectives of the organizations.

Now explain some advantages of teamwork and ensure that each point should
reach the aspirants. Share the following points so that aspirants will understand
importance of Teamwork.
Advantages of Teamwork
Gives better end result with high quality performance from each team member.
Normally more input results in better thoughts and judgments and the overall
process is improved.
Team involves every person, his expertise and his responsibilities.
Execution of new ideas can be more effective and efficient.
It increases ownership with wider communication.
Shares information and increases learning in the team and in the whole
organization.
Provides more security and develops personal relationship in the context of
business operations.
A particular problem can be easily solved with more ideas at the same time.
Gives probability of solutions and can select the best one from those
possibilities.
It increases willingness of every member to take more risk.
Better understanding of the decision-making process.
People can share common goals and interests among others.
In a group, it is easier to examine the problems and identify various solutions.
A team can handle more difficult and complex problems in the workplace.
A group increases the accuracy of problem solving.
For single problem you get many solutions and they can be solved rapidly.
Now ask aspirants “do you want to become leader?”, if they say yes...ask “why
you want to become a leader, then ask them to become a leader what
qualities one should have?”
List down all the points on the board and discuss with the aspirants on the same
points.

Lead the session by adding following valid points to make aspirants understand
better about Good team leader.
How to Be a Good Team Leader
Listen to others. Even though you are the team leader and you make the
decisions, you should always ask people what their opinion is. Try to incorporate
them whenever it's feasible. You aren't a dictator.
Take in others' suggestions. When someone gives you an idea, work on it. Think
of how you can improve on it. A good leader is one that listens and not just talks.
Show the team you are flexible to consider their thoughts.
Include everyone. If some people are a little left behind, help them. Always try to
include them. Find a task for everyone no matter what their skill or level.
Encourage your team. Sometimes people are scared to try something and this is
where the leader comes in. You have to encourage your team mates and show
them that the task is possible, even if difficult, and try to make it fun for them.
Show them the positive results of their work.
Know what you are talking about. If your teammates are as confused as you
are, how will they know what to do? As the leader, you must do the research first,
or have the most information.
Pay attention to morale. A demoralized team won't function. You must set the
positive spirit, make the goals clear; show how the job is feasible and possible. No
one will work for an impossible goal.

Life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13

Life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13

Recomendados

Recomendados

Más contenido relacionado

La actualidad más candente

La actualidad más candente (20)

Destacado

Destacado (6)

Similar a Life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13

Similar a Life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13 (16)

Más de sunil kumar

Más de sunil kumar (20)

Último

Último (20)

Life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13