In many situations, if abuse can not be seen on the outside, it's ignored, considered a lie, made up, or even a psychosis of some sort. People ignore the abuse that causes damage on the inside. Which sadly ends up hurting more than the wounds you can see on the outside. Many become substance abuse users and, even worse, commit suicide. Emotional damage is much more challenging to see and treat, yet it gets the least attention. Victims get ignored and even made to feel worse by the victim-blaming mentality of the patriarch. "Oh, she's suffering from menopause, or mental illness runs in her family." The sad thing is that the majority of society believes this. What you are about to read is my struggle, my story. My husband believed that if I were not bruised, beaten, or broken on the outside, it wasn't abuse. He thought he was a good father and a good man because he paid for everything. When I say everything, I mean everything and everyone. He had several other children with others within 27 years of marriage. But he was still a good person because he paid for his people. For many years, I suffered in silence. I covered my pain in alcohol, and what I thought was "self-care" was me licking my wounds and putting on that fake smile and fake dressed-up kids to present to the world. No one believed me when I finally became sick of it and wanted out. Not even the courts, not the law, not my momma, no one. I couldn't even get into a women's shelter. The judges gave me temporary restraining orders because my evidence was not substantial. I played such a good part in solidifying my husband's facade that no one believed, supported, acknowledged, or even cared. The moral of the story. . . . don't pretend. Live the truth because, in the end, you're only hurting yourself on top of the hurt you've already experienced. You deserve better! I deserve better! That said, please read the signs, memorize the signs, and get help NOW. The sooner, the better. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over another person in a relationship. It can take various forms, including: Verbal Abuse: When someone intentionally says things to scare, degrade, or damage the person's self-worth. Examples include yelling, humiliating, name-calling, or threatening harm. Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which a person uses words or threats to gain or maintain power and control over someone. Being on the receiving end of verbal abuse can cause a person to question their intelligence, value, or self-worth. It goes beyond normal disagreements and can manifest in various ways, including: Name-calling: Whether in a romantic relationship, a parent-child relationship, or even on the playground, habitual name-calling is unhealthy. Sometimes, it's obvious, while other times, it's disguised as "pet names" or "teasing." Regardless, it's a method of belittling the other person. Insults and Condescension: Hurtful sarcasm, blame, manipulat

1. In many situations, if abuse can not be seen on the outside, it's ignored, considered a lie,
made up, or even a psychosis of some sort. People ignore the abuse that causes damage on the
inside. Which sadly ends up hurting more than the wounds you can see on the outside. Many
become substance abuse users and, even worse, commit suicide. Emotional damage is much
more challenging to see and treat, yet it gets the least attention. Victims get ignored and even
made to feel worse by the victim-blaming mentality of the patriarch. "Oh, she's suffering from
menopause, or mental illness runs in her family." The sad thing is that the majority of society
believes this.
What you are about to read is my struggle, my story. My husband believed that if I were
not bruised, beaten, or broken on the outside, it wasn't abuse. He thought he was a good father
and a good man because he paid for everything. When I say everything, I mean everything and
everyone. He had several other children with others within 27 years of marriage. But he was still
a good person because he paid for his people.
For many years, I suffered in silence. I covered my pain in alcohol, and what I thought was "self-
care" was me licking my wounds and putting on that fake smile and fake dressed-up kids to
present to the world.
No one believed me when I finally became sick of it and wanted out. Not even the courts,
not the law, not my momma, no one. I couldn't even get into a women's shelter. The judges gave
me temporary restraining orders because my evidence was not substantial. I played such a good
part in solidifying my husband's facade that no one believed, supported, acknowledged, or even
cared.
The moral of the story. . . . don't pretend. Live the truth because, in the end, you're only
hurting yourself on top of the hurt you've already experienced. You deserve better! I deserve
better! That said, please read the signs, memorize the signs, and get help NOW. The sooner, the
better.
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used to gain or maintain power and
control over another person in a relationship. It can take various forms, including:
Verbal Abuse: When someone intentionally says things to scare, degrade, or damage the
person's self-worth. Examples include yelling, humiliating, name-calling, or threatening harm.
Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which a person uses words or threats to gain or
maintain power and control over someone. Being on the receiving end of verbal abuse can cause
a person to question their intelligence, value, or self-worth. It goes beyond normal disagreements
and can manifest in various ways, including:
1. Name-calling: Whether in a romantic relationship, a parent-child relationship, or even on
the playground, habitual name-calling is unhealthy. Sometimes, it's obvious, while other
times, it's disguised as "pet names" or "teasing." Regardless, it's a method of belittling the
other person.
2. Insults and Condescension: Hurtful sarcasm, blame, manipulation, and threats are
common signs of verbal abuse.

2. 3. Circular Arguments: Arguments that start with one issue but quickly escalate into
unrelated accusations, putting the victim on the defensive.
4. Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into doubting their perception of reality.
5. Withholding or Isolation: Keeping the victim away from others or withholding
emotional support.
6. Physical Intimidation: Blocking movement, hitting walls, or throwing things, even if
they don't directly strike the victim (Johnson, Jon (2019).
Remember that verbal abuse can occur not only in romantic relationships but also within
families, socially, or at work. If you're experiencing verbal abuse, know that it's not your fault.
7. Physical Abuse: Unwanted physical contact intended to hurt or intimidate, such as slapping,
kicking, or choking.
8. Emotional Abuse: Behavior meant to control or manipulate another person, undermine
someone's individuality, or isolate them. This includes guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and giving the
silent treatment.
Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates, and
generally instills fear in an individual to control them. This mistreatment can occur in various
interpersonal contexts, including parental, romantic, or professional relationships. Here are some
critical points about emotional abuse:
1. Definition: Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to
criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or manipulate them. It can be subtle and insidious, but
it can also be overt and manipulative.
2. Signs and Tactics:
● Monitoring and controlling behavior includes dictating who the person spends time
with or how they spend money.
● Threats: Threatening a person's safety, property, or loved ones.
● Isolation: Cutting off the person from family, friends, and acquaintances.
● Demeaning and humiliating: Using words or actions to demean, shame, or humiliate the
victim.
● Extreme jealousy and accusations: Unfounded suspicions and paranoia.
● Constant criticism and ridicule: Undermining the person's self-worth.
● Conditional acceptance or care: Linking care to specific choices.
● Gaslighting: Making the person question their competence and reality.
3. Subtle Signs:
● Sometimes, emotional abuse doesn't involve overt threats. Subtle signals include:
● Judging without understanding: Regularly dismissing the person's perspective.
● Blame rather than improvement: Focusing on blame instead of constructive
solutions.
● Viewing the other person as inferior: A sense of superiority.

3. ● Frequent sarcasm: Using sarcasm to demean.
● Telling the other person how to feel: An attempt to control emotions.
4. Impact:
● Victims of emotional abuse may experience short-term difficulties such as confusion,
fear, difficulty concentrating, and low confidence.
● Long-term repercussions can include anxiety, insomnia, and social withdrawal.
1. Healing and Support:
● Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is challenging but possible.
● Victims should seek support from their social circle and consider professional therapy.
● Recognize that reasoning with an abuser is often ineffective, and the abuser may not
change.
Remember that emotional abuse targets the emotional and psychological well-being of the victim
and is often a precursor to physical abuse (Psychology Today Staff (2028). If you or someone
you know is experiencing emotional abuse, seeking help and support is crucial.
Sexual Abuse: Pressuring or forcing unwanted sexual acts or controlling an individual's sexual
experience.
Sexual abuse in marriage refers to patterns of behavior used to manipulate, control, or influence
an intimate partner sexually to exert power over that person.
Sexual withholding within a marriage can indeed be considered a form of abuse. When one
partner consistently refuses sexual intimacy, it can have long-term effects on the other partner's
mental health and overall relationship satisfaction. Let's explore this further:
Manipulation and Coercion:
1. While some reasons are valid, others involve manipulation. For instance, if a partner
withholds sex as a means to control or coerce the other person, it becomes a form of
abuse.
2. Using sex as a tool to punish or manipulate someone because they didn't comply with
specific demands is unhealthy (Moore, Marissa (2012).
Constructive abandonment occurs when one spouse leaves a marriage because the other spouse
has made conditions intolerable to stay. This can happen due to various reasons, such as abuse,
adultery, or addiction. Let's delve into the details:
Definition:
● Marital abandonment occurs when one spouse deliberately severs all ties with their
family without any intention of returning. It includes neglecting financial obligations
and support without a valid reason.
● Abandonment does not occur when a spouse moves out temporarily or permanently to
create separation unless it also involves refusing to provide support (Survive Divorce.
(2019).
Financial Abuse: Manipulating finances to control or limit another person's independence.

4. Financial abuse is a form of family violence that can take various forms. It involves controlling a
victim's ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. Here are some ways in which
financial abuse can manifest:
Exploiting Your Resources:
● When a dating partner or spouse uses or controls the money you have earned or saved,
they exploit your resources.
● Examples include:
● Controlling or spending your money: This may involve controlling your use of
or access to money you have earned or saved. They may also use your assets for
their benefit without asking, including taking cash or using credit cards without
permission.
● Ruining your credit history: Abusers might run up credit limits and then not pay
bills or claim to make payments in your name but not follow through.
Isolation and Dependence:
● Financial abuse is isolating because victims often become financially dependent on their
abusers.
● Without resources, victims feel trapped in the relationship and unable to see a way out.
● Financial insecurity is one of the top reasons why individuals return to an abusive
partner.
● Men can also be victims of financial abuse, with approximately 1 in 7 men (18 years and
older) experiencing a form of domestic violence.
Goal of Financial Abuse:
● The primary goal of financial abuse is to gain power and control in a relationship.
● Abusers use financial tactics to keep victims trapped and prevent them from leaving.
● Victims often worry about their ability to provide for themselves and their children if
they leave the relationship.
Remember that financial abuse can happen to anyone, and recognizing the signs is crucial for
safety and security. If you suspect you're experiencing financial abuse, seek help and support
from trusted resources and professionals.
Domestic violence can have long-term adverse effects on physical and mental health, as well as
relationships.
Believe it or not, I have personally experienced 90% of all the abuse you just read about. The
percentage I didn't experience was the abuse you couldn't see because, to my husband, that small
aspect of abuse (Battery) was abuse. Everything else, well, you know, wasn't abuse because I
was never hit. . . . .
References:

5. Johnson, Jon (2019, September 12) What to know about the side effects of Elavil Website:
Medical News Today
(Survive Divorce. (2019). Spousal Abandonment and Divorce.
Moore, Marissa (2012, June 30) Psych Central Conditions Discover, Withholding Sex in a
Marriage Source: Psych Central
Psychology Today Staff (2028). Emotional Abuse. Psychology Today ( Retrieved February 16,
2024).