Writing for the Web in Plain Language

Writing for the web
Creating persuasive web content
in plain language
Annetta Cheek
Kath Straub
16April2013

A document or website is in plain language
If readers or viewer can easily
•  Find what they need
•  Understand it
•  Use it to fulfill their purpose
What does “In plain language” mean?

In plain language
does NOT mean
•  Writing to the lowest common denominator
•  Avoiding all technical words
•  Being imprecise
What does “In plain language” mean?

Example
After Katrina, FEMA received this question
I just found out that the products I have been
using to clean my home are toxic! Have I
damaged my health by using these products?
Here’s how FEMA responded on their website –
do you think they gave the important information,
and only the important information?

FEMA’s answer
Answer: First of all, what is meant by toxicity? Somewhere on the
order of 70,000 different chemicals have been identified as toxic. A
chemical produces a toxic effect at concentrations that alter the
normal state of the organism. For many chemicals, there is a dose at
which there are no toxic effects, there is a dose at which the effects
are reversible, and there is a dose at which the effects may have
permanent consequences. An example of some toxic chemicals that
many of us are exposed to regularly are caffeine, tobacco, and
alcohol. At doses normally consumed by the average person, the
"high" effect felt by the individual response can be quite different.
One person may be able to drink 5 cups of coffee with out visible
effects, while another person might get the shakes after 2 cups of
coffee. This is an example of how the dose and response varies from
one person to the next. At some point, each of these chemicals can
have a much more serious effect on the individual. At extremely
high doses . . .
And this went on for another 10 lines.

Example from a real Regulation
Before
When the process of freeing a stuck vehicle that has been
stuck results in ruts or holes, the operator will fill the rut or
hole created by such activity before removing the vehicle from
the immediate area.
After
If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, you must fill
the hole before you drive away.
(National Park Service regulation)

The key to plain language is understanding your audience
•  Who is your audience?
•  What do they already know?
•  What do they still need to know?
How can you help them get where
(you know) they need to go

URBAN LEGEND:
People don’t read
on the web
EXPLANATION:
People don’t read
on the web when
what we write does
not fit their needs.
Eyetracking
Image showing
user reading a
long text-y page
carefully.

Where we are going with this
Good web content sets up a dialogue
•  Talk about things I (need to) care about
•  Know what I already know
•  Hold my hand
•  Guide me, don’t lecture me
•  Don’t overwhelm me
•  Maybe even, … make it fun

What does it mean
to design a dialogue?

The evolution of self-service design
Used car
salesmen
and desk
clerks
Websites
Usable
websites
Conversations
made possible
by technology
1980 2020
We are
about here
Help me
get things done
Help me
do things

When we say
“transition to self-service,”
we don’t really mean
do it yourself…
even on the web.

•  READSMART
Smile, You're in the Dental Care Aisle
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/06/business/06shortcuts.html

•  READSMART
Smile, You're in the Dental Care Aisle
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/06/business/06shortcuts.html
I have
LOSS AVERSION
in the toothbrush aisle

My mental model
for getting a toothbrush
includes a guide

Two big changes
1.  We make more choices from larger choice sets
2.  We make them alone…. or with the web as our guide.

Act
on it
Understand
what I found
Find
what I need
Web design needs to evolve
The old good: A website is good if people can find what they need,
understand what they found and act on it effectively.
But, this assumes that I know what I’m looking for.

Act
on it
Understand
what I found
Find
what I need
New “good design” needs to support self-service
Figure out
what I want
The new good: A website works if it helps people
figure out what they need to do or ask, find the relevant
Information, understand what they found and act on it
effectively.

Act
on it
Understand
what I found
Find
what I need
New “good design” needs to support self-service
Figure out
what I need/want
1. Diagnose
2. Guide
3. Facilitate
The new good:
The web “asks”
and understands
what I want and
need. And then
helps, based on
that.

What does this
look like on
the web?

But there is
still a disconnect.
There is no web kiosk
in the toothpaste aisle.

Step 1: Recognize your bias
You know
too much. And
you probably
give other
people the
benefit of the
doubt that they
know what you
do.

Participants can find the answers to key questions on the site, when directed
to. But, most were not motivated to do that—or to request their free credit
reports—before to the usability test.
We have hypotheses for why:
1.  Credit reports are mirrors that people don’t want to face.
2.  Advertising and experience influences consumer expectations about
“free”
3.  People don’t understand how reviewing/monitoring their credit reports will
benefit them.
All are viable reasons for the low motivation. Since the site can potentially
address it, our research explored #3.
Step 2: Understand your audience
.

Research Insight: Our content will have to (re-)educate
Urban legend Reality
My credit report is like a report card. It is an
immutable snapshot of my credit history.
Your credit report may contain errors that
should be fixed.
I have one credit score. You have three, potentially very different
scores. (And soon, possibly more)
All my credit reports will be the same.
Or
The different credit reporting companies
sell the same report.
Each credit reporting company collects
information from different organizations. You
need to check all 3 reports
The credit reporting agencies are the
enemy holding me back.*
You and the organizations that provide you
credit are responsible for your score. The
CRAs are just the messengers.
Emerging: My credit card company will
alert me if anything out of the ordinary is
happening. That is enough.
Some credit card companies do that for
some customers.

Step 3: Create the conversation
Urban legend:
Rotating carousels
(or hero boxes) are
always bad.
Reality: If you know how
users will interact with them,
you can use rotating
carousels to a specific end.

Step 3: Show them how it will work

Step 3: Help users connect the dots (that you take for granted)

Step 4: Check to see if they can do it (“Old” usability)

Step 4: Ask them if they really understood it (Content testing)

How do I know it is in plain language?

Writing goals vary on different pages within websites.
•  Homepages
•  Navigation pages
•  Hybrid pages
•  Content pages
We are talking about designing content.

For things we don’t get to …
Do this
•  Keep it short
•  Organize content logically
•  Use headings as sign posts
•  Use strong verbs, including active voice
•  Use pronouns
•  Use common words
•  Design tables, matrices to guide decisions
Avoid these
•  Abbreviations, jargon, legal terms, Latin
•  Confusing constructions
•  3 or more nouns in a row
•  Excess words
•  Information the audience doesn’t need to know

Today we will focus on ..
Do this
•  Keep it short
•  Organize content logically
•  Use headings as sign posts
•  Use strong verbs, including active voice
•  Use pronouns
•  Use common words
•  Design tables, matrices to guide decisions
Avoid these
•  Abbreviations, jargon, legal terms, Latin
•  Confusing constructions
•  3 or more nouns in a row
•  Excess words
•  Information the audience doesn’t need to know

For things we don’t cover
Federal Plain Language Guidelines
http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/guidelines/
FederalPLGuidelines/TOC.cfm

Reduce
•  Words on the page
•  Sentence length
•  Paragraphs length
•  # of Pages
•  Omit wordy phrases.

Omit wordy phrases
Phrases to look for:
•  Doublets (cease and desist)
•  Redundancies (at this point in time)
•  Prepositional phrases

Omit wordy phrases
r
Replace this … With this …
At a later time Later
During that time period During that time, or then
Worked jointly together Worked together
Level of coverage Coverage
Will plan in the future Will plan
At least 12 years of age or older At least 12
For the purpose of For, to
At this point in time Now
In an effort to To X
On the grounds that Because
On a monthly basis Monthly

Reduce sentence length
•  Written material: 20 words or fewer average
•  On the web: 10 words or fewer average

Examples: Long sentences
The 12-month in business requirement can be waived if the
borrower’s key personnel can demonstrate export expertise
and successful previous business experience and the lender
uses conventional commercial loan underwriting procedures
and does not rely solely on credit scoring. 39 words
Federal support for wind and solar energy, biofuels, and other
renewable energy sources, which has been estimated at
several billion dollars per year, is fragmented because 23
agencies implemented hundreds of renewable energy
initiatives in fiscal year 2010—the latest year for which GAO
developed these original data. 48 words

Examples: Long sentences (Data.gov)
Here you will find hundreds of
government datasets that can help
enable consumer choice; apps that
demonstrate the power of Smart
Disclosure; challenges for app
developers; and resources to learn
more about Smart Disclosure.
34 words
Today’s most important choices
involve a complicated array of
options, whether you’re looking
for health insurance, educational
opportunities, housing, financial
products, energy providers, airline
flights, or other products and
services.
30 words

AARP: But wait … there’s more!

Not a Myth:
Readers read more near the
top of your page.
The longer the page, the
lower the percent they read.
How much of this do you think most (any?) people see?

Deciding where to start on
the AARP website is a bit
like deciding which shop to
visit in a South East Asian
strip mall.

Keep content to one screen
•  Readers may scroll, but they read less farther down

Your screens: Content on one screen

Your sites: Content on one screen

Use common words
Avoid
•  uncommon words
•  bureaucratic words
•  foreign words
•  legal terms
•  terms of art
•  Even highly educated people read faster and with better
comprehension if you stick with common words.
•  Difficult words do not make you look smarter
•  “Common” does not mean “short”!

Instruct Tell
Receive Get
Obtain Get
Assistance Help
Facilitate Help
Retain Keep
Examples

Resources – Common words
http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/wordsuggestions/
simplewords.cfm

Uncommon words glued together confuse people even more.
Examples from your work:
• Enterprise infrastructure solution
• Sector protection efforts
• Formulates targeted notice programs grounded
in . . .
• Cloud Enabler
• End-to-end mobile application solutions
• Potentially duplicative asset management
activities
• Mission specific domain expertise

http://www.wordcount.org/main.php
It is important to know
where the corpus comes
from. This corpus is British..

For the scientific purists and people with too much time.
http://www.wordfrequency.info/

MYTH :All jargon is bad.
Good jargon
Well understood
words used inside a
group that facilitate
communication within
that group
If you are writing for rocket
scientists, speak rocket
science

Bad jargon is
typically technical
language that has
escaped to the real
world…

Abbreviations
•  Readers hate abbreviations
•  Abbreviations turn your material into a research project for
your reader
If you have to shorten things, use “nicknames” that have some
meaningful content.

Use nicknames instead of abbreviations
For Instead of Use
Interagency resource
advisory committee
IRAC Advisory committee
New England Quality
Care Alliance
NEQCA Alliance, or Care
Alliance
Central Valley
Regional Health Trust
CVRHT Regional Trust

Examples from your writing…
•  Agile
•  Resonating
•  APY (not defined)
•  Optimization
•  Tier
•  Termination (unless you’ve killed somebody)

Use strong verbs
•  Verbs are the strongest word type in English, so use lots of
strong ones.
Goal:
Use strong verbs

Weak verbs
•  Passive voice
•  Hidden verbs
•  Subjunctive
•  Complex forms like perfect tenses
•  Simple present is the strongest verb tense.

Passive voice
People read passive sentences slower than active sentences.
Active sentences are more common than passive sentences.
Active sentences
Noun Verb Noun
Doer Action to Do-ee
The cat chased the dog.
Passive sentences
Noun Verb Noun
Doer Action to Do-ee
The dog was chased by the cat

Present tense
Strong verbs
Simple tense
Simple present is the
strongest verb tense

Hidden verbs
•  Hidden verbs are verbs disguised as nouns - they are longer
and weaker than verbs.
•  Hidden verbs are one of the biggest problems in
bureaucratic writing.

Passive voice may not identify the actor.*
•  Reports were written.
•  Decisions were issued.
•  Mistakes were made.
* Writers use this strategy to avoid saying who is responsible.

Examples
Conduct an analysis Analyze
Present a report Report
Make a recommendation Recommend
Provide assistance Help
The use of Using

Examples from your sites
•  facilitate the delivery of
•  provide assistance and coordination
•  enhance their collaboration
•  provides an overview
•  undertakes an analysis of

Remove content people don’t need
• Web content is a conversation with your customer.
If material doesn’t belong in the conversation, it
doesn’t belong on the web.
• You aren’t Santa Claus. You can’t serve all
customers. Serve the 2 or 3 most important ones
– at the most.
• Challenge every word. If you don’t need it, get rid
of it.

What does this really say?
If you’ve been arrested and you can’t afford
a lawyer, we can help you.

How is knowing this level of detail helping me?
What SBA Offers to Help Small Businesses Grow
What does SBA offer to small business owners? The
programs are many and varied, and the qualifications
for each are specific. SBA can help facilitate a loan for
you with a third party lender, guarantee a bond, or
help you find venture capital. Understanding how SBA
works is the first step towards receiving assistance.
SBA’s Role
SBA provides a number of financial assistance
programs for small businesses that have been
specifically designed to meet key financing needs,
including debt financing, surety bonds, and equity
financing.
You can
Start here
and not miss
anything.

Does the reader need to know this?
•  The content and organization of the Aviation Safety web pages was inspired by the
"Pillars" of the Safety Management Systems (SMS). The resources provided are
grouped into the areas of Promotion, Risk Management, Assurance and Policy to
reflect the four pillars of SMS.
•  SMS can be utilized as a means of providing a formal process and structure to control
the risk associated with the vast array of aviation missions.
•  It is the goal of SMS to create a positive safety culture where participants continually
challenge the processes, the culture and the systems to identify weaknesses and
where improvements can be made. This web site was created with the intent of
providing relevant and current information, facilitate opportunities to capture the
wealth of operational knowledge and experience from the aviation community and to
link learning with training so we may actively take steps toward reaching that goal.
Visuals should help
users identify and
understand key
content.

US embassy websites around the world say this
Security Notice for Visitors to the Embassy and the Consulates
In order to ensure everyone's safety and to ensure that security
screening does not delay entrance in to the Consulate and planned
interviews, no electronic devices, including cell telephones, may be
brought into the Embassy or Consulate. Large backpacks, suitcases
and glass containers are also not permitted. Security personnel will
not store items for applicants and will confiscate all weapons. We
therefore suggest that all such items be left at home, in a locked car,
or with a friend or relative who remains outside the premises.
Documents relevant to the visa and/or passport application are the
only items that we encourage applicants to bring with them.
Your cooperation will help to ensure everyone's safety and will help
us to ensure that we are able to interview you as quickly as possible.

US embassy websites around the world could say this
Security Notice for Visitors to the Embassy and the Consulates
In order to ensure everyone's safety and to ensure that security
screening does not delay entrance in to the Consulate and planned
interviews, no electronic devices, including cell telephones, may be
brought into the Embassy or Consulate. Large backpacks, suitcases
and glass containers are also not permitted. Security personnel will
not store items for applicants and will confiscate all weapons. We
therefore suggest that all such items be left at home, in a locked car,
or with a friend or relative who remains outside the premises.
Documents relevant to the visa and/or passport application are the
only items that we encourage applicants to bring with them.
Your cooperation will help to ensure everyone's safety and will help
us to ensure that we are able to interview you as quickly as possible.
Security Notice - Embassy and Consulates Visitors
To ensure safety and reduce waiting time, the Embassy limits
limits the items you can bring into the building.
Do bring
•  Documents relevant to your visa and/or passport application.
Do not bring
• Electronic devices, including cell telephones
• Large backpacks and suitcases
• Glass containers
• Weapons of any type
The gate staff can’t hold items for you.

This is probably Too Much Information (TMI)

Let’s rewrite this paragraph
Call our toll-free number
In addition to using our website, you can call us toll-free
At 1-800-772-1213. We treat all calls confidentially. We can
answer specific questions from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., Monday
through Friday. Generally, you’ll have a shorter wait time
if you call during the week after Tuesday. We can provide
information by automated phone service 24 hours a day.
(You can use our automated response system to tell us a
new address or request a replacement Medicare card.) If you
are deaf or hard of hearing, you may call our TTY number,
1-800-325-0778. 97 words

We think it could look like this:
Call us toll-free anytime at 1-800-772-1213.
From 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., Monday through Friday you can talk to
a staff person. At other times you’ll reach our automated
system. Use it to give us a new address or ask for a
replacement Medicare card.)
All calls are confidential.
TTY number 1-800-325-0778. 52 words

Information your users (probably) don’t need
•  When Director office was formed
•  Who is the Director
•  What the Director said the day he was sworn in
•  What the Director looks like
•  What your annual report from 3 years ago looked like
•  How the County government is organized
•  What you did for customers 5 years ago
•  The text of a law that authorizes your office

Reality check
If you aren’t sure if you need the
information, ask yourself:
Will Kath’s mom care?

Back at the conversation (10K ft)

Create a conversation that motivates your users
•  Help me connect the dots
•  Remind me why I care
•  Remind me what to do
•  Make it easy
•  Make me accountable
•  Reward me

GAMIFICATION
IS JUST BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATION REBRANDED

Zynga made 3 things acceptable
Begging
Bragging
Tiny Victories

Behavioral change means using
reinforcement to get people to
learn/do things that you want
them to do that they probably
wouldn’t do otherwise.

Positive:
Add something
Negative:
Take something away
Reinforcement:
Increases
behavior Positive reinforcement Negative reinforcement
Punishment:
Decreasesbehavior
Positive punishment Negative punishment
Remember this from Psych101?

Things that make games work.
Make success into small,
Incremental, visible steps.

Give actionable
positive feedback.

Short term
and long term
goals are
interwoven.
Hint: sometimes you
have to create sub-goals

Make (tiny)
achievements
build up.

Benchmarks
let me
compete
and/or collaborate

It is there when I want
it. But opt in.

Game mechanics in the real world
Freshbooks

A space where game mechanics could help ….
How might the
experience of enrolling in
and picking 401/403
funds be different if you
interposed feedback
during the process and
leveraged the interactive
decision tools on the
toothbrush site?
What other gamification
strategies could you
apply?

Questions or comments
Annetta Cheek
alcplain@gmail.com
Kath Straub
kath@usability.org

Writing for the Web in Plain Language

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