slides from my talk @ FailCon India (Bangalore, Feb 2013)

1. Why NOT To Do a Startup
… because You Will FAIL, Loser.
Dave McClure
500startups.com
FailCon India
Bangalore – Feb 2013
@DaveMcClure

2. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
 You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:
 You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup
 You want to make LOTS of Money.
 You have Teh Awesome Technology Solution.
 The Right Reasons:
 You Live in Fear.
 You Can’t Get Laid.
 Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM

3. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB
 You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
 You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.
 You Live in a Big House.
 You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.
 You Want to Kiss The Kids Goodnight.
 You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.

4. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,
But No Product and No Customers.
Bullshit Revenue
Projection ----->
(up & to the right)
See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”

5. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#4: Your Idea SUCKS
(and even your Mom thinks so)
 You Don’t Have a
Working Prototype.
 Worse: Have Prototype,
But No One Uses It.
 It Sucks a Lot More than
the Competition.
See: “Lean Startup (Ries) &
Customer Development (Blank)”

6. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…
to a PROBLEM that does not exist.
See: “Your Solution
Is Not My Problem”

7. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#6: You’re a LOSER, not a
LEADER.
 You Procrastinate. A Lot.
 You’re not Charismatic.
 You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
 Your Vision is usually Wrong.
 You’re Scared of Change.
 When Other People Tell You That
You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.
 …and you’re Ugly too, bitch.
Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”

8. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money
(or SuperAngels Collude to Screw You Over)
 50 slides in your deck
 Technical Jargon
 Demo FAIL
 Clueless Investors
 EVIL Investors
See: “How To Pitch a VC”

9. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have
No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
 No Technical Founders / Coders
 No Design / UX / Usability
 No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
 No Mobile expertise
 No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
 No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.

10. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#9: CoFounders & Employees = Whiners.
 You WILL miss a payroll.
 Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
 There WILL be Office Politics.
 People WILL discover and compare
salary & stock options.
 Someone WILL sue yer ass:
 Sexual Harassment
 Wrongful Termination
 Unhappy Customer
 Jealous Competitor

11. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.
 You Don’t Know Marketing.
 You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
 You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.
 You Think SEM = SEO.
 You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms
(Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
 You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone
App, or a Social Game.
 You’ve never sent an email
See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)” campaign, written a blog post, or run
an affiliate marketing campaign.

12. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#11: You’d Rather Change the Channel
Than Change The World.
 Wouldn’t you rather watch
Dabangg or T-20?
 Sure you would, Loser.
 Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.
Fuck.
 That.
Noise.