From Parental Alienation to Reunification-Toward Parent-Child Reunification

1. © D.I.G Pty. Ltd S.Korosi 2013. May
only be used with the authors
permission
From Parental Alienation to
Reunification
Towards Parent-Child Reunification
Lone Fathers Association 2013

2. Seminar Outline
 This presentation may be downloaded at
 http://www.speakeasycounselling.com.au/Resources.html
 http://www.dialogueingrowth.com.au/Resources.html
© D.I.G Pty. Ltd S.Korosi 2013. May only be used with the
authors permission
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3. Seminar Outline
 Seminar 60 minutes
 A 21st Century scourge?
 An enfolding spectrum of affiliation to alienation
 What is Parental Alienation?
 The dual assessment criteria for PA
 Defining and describing alienated children and alienating parents
 Parental Alienation Syndrome or not?
 How are alienated children affected?
 How are target parents and families affected?
 Protective parenting
 Family Law, Family consultants and family assessments
 The 10-step Parent-Child Relationship Remediation and Reunification Programme
 Does it work?
 What do alienated and target parents struggle with the most?
 The way ahead
 How many of you are or have struggled for your children to have a
relationship with you?
 Or know someone who has?
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authors permission
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4. A 21st Century Scourge?
 Increasing incidence of claims of parental alienation
 Cohort of one parent families in which the children no longer have
a relationship with the parent with whom they do not live
 Arguably children need both parents
 Unrecognised child abuse
 Injustice
 Family law validates abusive behaviour
 Inadequate assessment and intervention
 Confusing more benign forms of attachment with Parental Alienation
 Only 2 matters left to fight over
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authors permission
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5. A 21st Century Scourge?
Bala AIFS 2012
 22% of family law cases claimed parental alienation
 Doubled 2009 figures
 More mothers claim PA but (slightly) more fathers
make unsubstantiated claims
 20 Substantiated/28 unsubstantiated Mothers
 15 Substantiated/10 unsubstantiated Fathers
 The resident parent is more likely to alienate
 83% of alienating parents had residence of alienated
child/ren
 2010 substantiated alienation
 11% had share care
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6. An Enfolding Spectrum of Affiliation to
Alienation
Alienated
Estranged
Aligned
Affiliated
Non-ambivalent relationship
Child estranged from one parent
Reaction against IPA or abuse targeting the child
Reaction against family situation hostile or indifferent to the
child
Protective parenting may be involved
Pathological alienation-Child abuse
Child influenced by alienating parent
Unreasonable, distorted
SUPERVENING and DOMINANT PROCESS-subsumes all
other processes
Positive relationship
Affiliated with both parents
Neither parent unduly influencing the child
Ambivalent relationship
Aligned with one parent but accepting of the other
Aligned parent not involved against non-aligned parent
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7. An Enfolding Spectrum of Affiliation to
Alienation
 Positive relationship-Affinity
 Equal affinity
 Positive relationship, child wants to be with
both parents
 Affinity
 Child may affiliate with one parent
 child wants to relate, have continuity, and
contact with both parents
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8. An Enfolding Spectrum of Affiliation
to Alienation
 Ambivalent relationship-Alliance
 Child wishes to have contact and relationship with one parent, usually as a
result of separation and divorce
 May involve intense relationship conflict
 May involve a child's strong moral condemnation of the parent with whom
they are not aligned
 alignment temporary and a reaction to immediate and intense circumstances.
The alignment may resolve once the conflictual environment dissipates
 Child does not wish to sever contact with the parent with whom they are not
aligned
 Child may place limits on the contact they have with the non-aligned parent
 the child may have unresolved feelings of sadness, anger, love, et cetera with
the non-aligned parent
 the child is ambivalent towards the parent with whom they are not aligned
 the aligned parent is not involved in the formulation of the child ambivalence
an alliance with them and their non-alliance with the other parent
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9. An Enfolding Spectrum of Affiliation to
Alienation
 No ambivalence-Estranged
 Children who reject a violent and/or abusive parent
 reaction of children who have witnessed intimate partner
abuse, witnessed or experienced traumatic aftermath for an
abused parent or have been the target of abuse themselves
 parents who take action to remove children from the abusive
influence of another parent are protective, rather than
alienating parents
 The parents from whom the children are estranged have
generally contributed to the estrangement through the
perpetuation of violence and abuse.
 Child’s anger, rejection of the parent is reasonable under the
circumstances
 This may be a healthy reaction in children to protect
themselves from family situations that are intrinsically hostile
or indifferent to them and to their emotional needs
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10. An Enfolding Spectrum of Affiliation to
Alienation
 No ambivalence:Pathological alienation-
Alienated Children
 Extreme and non-ambivalent rejection of a parent
 Rejection based upon distorted, exaggerated or blatantly
untrue perspectives of the rejected parent
 the rejected parent may have contributed through their
personality and style of parenting
 the process of alienation is implemented and affected by a
hostile and alienating parent
 intent on targeting the rejected parent by using the child against
them
 This becomes the supervening and dominant process.
Affiliated, aligned and estranged children are highly susceptible
to the actions and omissions of an alienating parent
 except where parent has been protective in the presence
of abuse (estrangement but NOT ALIENATION)
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11. What is Parental Alienation?
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Manipulating the
child to reject the
target parent
Demoting and
devaluing the
rejected parent’s role
in the child’s life
Sabotaging time
the child spends
with the target
parent
Displaced
anger, hurt
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authors permission

12. Assessing Parental Alienation-Dual
Criteria
 Children’s Behaviour
 Harsh, unreasonable, irrational
rejection of a formerly loved parent
 May be sudden
 Harsh, unreasonable, irrational
rejection of formerly loved extended
family
 Unconditional support of the alienating
parent without critique
 “Independent thinker phenomena”
 Alienated child believes that their
decision to reject a loved parent is
entirely their own
 Parroting/repeating coached or
borrowed scenarios
 Campaign of denigration of the rejected
parent
 Rejection or denial of memories and
experiences of a prior loving
relationship
 Devalued and/or demoted parental
relationship
 Calling the rejected parent by their first
name
 Loss of ambivalence, unable to show
guilt, remorse for their rejection of a
loved parent
 Alienating Parents Behaviour
 Denigrating and devaluing the target parent
 Destroying and/or undermining memories and
relationships
 Manipulating the child/ren to reject the target
parent
 Confiding in and parentifying the child
 Adult concepts
 Devaluing and demoting the rejected parent’s
role in the child/rens life
 Use of first names
 Sabotaging and/or limiting child/rens contact
and/or communication with the target parent
 Withdrawal of love and establishing love
conditional upon loyalty to alienating parent and
rejection of target parent
 Either-or not both-and
 Cultivating dependence upon the
alienating parent
 Asking the child to keep secrets
 Asking the child to spy on the rejected parent
 Changing the child’s name
 Legal, financial, administrative exclusion of the
target parent
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13. Useful Definitions-Parental Alienation
Alienated Child
 “Who expresses freely persistently,
unreasonable negative feelings and
beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection
and/or fear) towards a parent that are
disproportionate to the child's actual
experience with that parent. Entrenched
alienated children are marked by an un-
ambivalent, strident rejection of the
parent with no apparent guilt or conflict”
 Johnston (2005)
Alienating Parent
 Who expresses to their child/ren freely
persistently, unreasonable negative
feelings and beliefs (such as anger,
hatred, rejection and/fear) towards the
other parent that are disproportionate to
the other parent’s and child’s experience
of a loving relationship between them,
with the premeditated intentions of
rupturing the relationship between their
child and the other parent. Extreme
alienating parents are marked by a
dependent relationship between
themselves and the child/ren, lack of
insight or self-awareness of the effects of
their behaviour upon the child/ren, loss of
ambivalence and strident rejection of the
target parent whom they formerly loved,
lack of apparent guilt or remorse.
 Korosi(2013)
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14. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?
 DSM 5 Relevant Diagnostic Categories
 Child affected by parental relationship distress
 “when the focus of clinical attention is the negative effects of parental relationship
discord (e.g., high levels of conflict, distress, or disparagement) on a child in the
family, including effects on the child’s mental or other physical disorders.”
 Child psychological abuse
 “nonaccidental verbal or symbolic acts by a child’s parent or caregiver that result, or
have reasonable potential to result, in significant psychological harm to the child.”
 Supporting DSM 5 discussion on Parent-child relational problem .
 “may include negative attributions of the other’s intentions, hostility
toward or scapegoating of the other, and unwarranted feelings of
estrangement.”
 A very good description of a child’s view of the alienated parent?
 So What?
 How would a diagnosis change your situation ?
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15. How Alienated Children are Affected
 The case for parental alienation as child abuse
 Warshak, Baker studies support the view that
 Adult children may struggle to reform a relationship with the
alienated parent or alienated extended family
 May require a significant life event
 Adverse outcomes
 study by (Dr Amy Baker Ph.D. )of 40 adults ranging in
age from 19 to 67 who were alienated , found that they
were affected by
 Depression = 70%
 Drug & alcohol abuse = 40%
 Lack of trust in themselves & others = 40%
 Alienation from their own children = 50%
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16. How Target Parents and Families are
Affected
 A tendency to ‘blame the victim’
 Depression and mood disorders
 Disenfranchised grief and anger
 Existential crisis-loss of meaning
 Social-societal disengagement-disfranchisement
 Rupture of social covenant
 Trauma
 Loss of loved children
 No acknowledgement
 No closure or completion
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authors permission
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17. Protective Parenting versus Parental
Alienation
 Protective Parents
 Have evidence of
abuse
 Will support their
children to give their 1st
person witness account
 Will take only those
actions necessary to
protect the children
 May involve isolation
and removal from
abusive parent and
environment
 Alienating Parents
 May make allegations
of abuse without
supportive evidence
 May coach their
children to parrot the
alienating parents story
 Independent thinker
phenomenon
 Will do all they can to
cut out the other parent
from the children’s lives
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18. Parental Alienation and Allegations of
Abuse
 Abuse allegations
 Some sexual abuse claims are justified
 High incidence of unfounded claims
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Reference: Bala. N AIFS 2012

19. Family Law
 What you are up against-Relevant provisions of Family Law Act 1975
 60CA. Child's best interests paramount consideration in making a parenting order
 60CC. How a court determines what is in a child's best interests
 60CD. How the views of a child are expressed
 60CF. Informing court of relevant family violence orders
 60CG. Court to consider risk of family violence
 Parental alienation is NOT a specific criteria
 Safety is paramount
 Are allegations of FV and IPA becoming a standard tactic?
 Child inclusive conferences
 Child responsive programme
 Less adversarial-more consultative
 Involves family consultant
 Outcomes depend upon knowledge of Parental Alienation
 Implicit assumption that the loss of a loving parent is preferable to exposing children to high
conflict relationship environments
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authors permission
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20. Family Consultants and Family Reports
 Mandated assessment by Family Consultant
 Key guidance for judges-what is going on in your family
 Family law act 1975 Section III Paragraphs 11A, 11B, 11C, 11D
 Required to assess against provision of family law act (Paragraphs 55A, 62G)
 Required to consider children’s views but may also discount those views
 Issues with recognition of alienation
 Family consultants very good at screening IPA but often miss key signs of
alienated children and alienating parents
 sometime miss the ‘too good to be true’ alienating parent
 Polarised non-ambivalent children’s views unchallenged
 Children’s allegations untested
 Everyone to blame-hybridisation
 Alienation conflated with ‘normal’ alignment
 Failure to consider alienation as a plausible hypothesis to be tested.
 Affiliation to alienation informed assessments required
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21. AIFS 2012
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22. Individualised 10-Step Parent-Child
Remediation and Reunification Programme
 1. From moral outrage to compassionate outcomes
 2. Understanding the infinity loop-how you and
your ex-partner are STILL connected
 3. Focus on children’s needs and how they are
affected
 4. Create a safe and secure base for the children
 5. Keeping your memory alive in the children’s
consciousness
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23.  6. Develop strategies to counter alienation processes
 7. Appreciate alienating parents emotional needs and
motivations
 8. Child Development issues relevant to your parent-child
rupture or injury
 9. Parental Alienation education
 10. Parenting and personal coaching and counselling
Individualised 10-Step Parent-Child Remediation
and Reunification Programme
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authors permission
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24. What Alienated Parents Struggle With?
 Moral outrage
 Rights versus relationship needs
 Replication of their own formative experience of
alienation/alignment
 Trauma
 Disenfranchisement
 The effect of their actions and behaviours on the children
 The effect of their actions and behaviours on their ex-
partner
 THEIR EX PARTNER!
 Focusing on the children while your ex-partner focuses upon
YOU!
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25. Some Hopeful Signs-Practice Based
Evidence
 Individualised Parent-Child Relationship Remediation and
Reunification
 76% of alienated parents end up with a better relationship with
their children
 41% are engaged but may be under duress or threat
 35% reunify after a rupture
 24% of alienated parents decide to suspend their attempts at
a relationship with their alienated children
 44% of alienated parents engage with the programme after
their family law cases are (unsuccessfully concluded)
 19% of alienated parents modified their cases in the course
of engagement
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authors permission

26. The Way Ahead-Remediation and
Reunification
 Characteristics of intervention programmes
 MUST focus on STOPPING the alienating behaviour of the alienating parent
 -Psycho-education for both parents
 Child-focused approach
 Reuniting and reforming the relationship between alienated children and alienated parents
 Individualised
 Include enforced time between alienated children and the target parent
 Include separation and/or supervised contact between alienated children and alienating parent
 Family therapy may be CONTRAINDICATED if alienation is assessed
 Triangulates practitioner into an abusive system
 May be appropriate for alliance and alignment formation
 where the child is ambivalent to both parents
 Where the aligned parent is supportive
 Where the non-aligned parent is self-reflective
 May be appropriate for naive alienation
 where the child is ambivalent to both parents
 Where the alienating parent is child-focused
 Where the non-aligned parent is self-reflective
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27. Resources
 Dialogue-In-Growth-Mens Action in Open Thinking
W: www.dialogueingrowth.com.au
E: info@dialogueingrowth.com.au
T: 0414 888 413
 SpeakEASY Counselling and Psychotherapy
W: www.speakeasycounselling.com.au
E: info@dialogueingrowth.com.au
T: 0414 888 413
 Other support groups & resources
 Parental Alienation Programme
'Family Bridges' and Blog-
http://www.warshak.com/alienati
on/pluto-dvd-2.html
 Hostile Aggressive Parenting
and Parental Alienation-
http://www.hostile-aggressive-
parenting.com/
 Parental Alienation-UK
resources-http://www.parental-
alienation.info/
 www.parentalalienation.com.au
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authors permission
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28. References
 Baker, A. J. L. (2007). Adult children of parental alienation syndrome:
breaking the ties that bind. New York: W.W Norton & Co.
 Baker, A. J.L. (2013. Working with Alienated Children and Families-A
Clinical Guidebook
 Darnell, D (2010). Beyond Divorce Casualties-Reunifying the Alienated
Family
 Gardner, R. (1987). Parental alienation syndrome and the differentiation
between fabricated and genuine sexual abuse. New Jersey: Creskill,
Creative Therapeutics.
 Gardner, R. (1989). Family evaluation in child custody, mediation,
arbitration and litigation. New Jersey: Creskill, Creative Therapeutics.
 Gardner, R. A. (2004). Commentary on Kelly and Johnston's "The
Alienated Child: A reformulation of parental alienation syndrome.".
Family Court Review Vol 42(4) Oct 2004, 611-621.
 Johnston, J. R., & Kelly, J. B. (2004). Rejoinder to Gardner's
"Commentary on Kelly and Johnston's 'The Alienated Child: A
reformulation of parental alienation syndrome.'". Family Court Review
Vol 42(4) Oct 2004, 622-628.
© D.I.G Pty. Ltd S.Korosi 2013. May only be used with the
authors permission
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29. References
 Kelly, J. B., & Johnston, J. R. (2001). The Alienated Child: a
Reformulation of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Family Court Review,
39(3), 249-266.
 Lowenstein, L. F. (1998). PARENT ALIENATION SYNDROME: A TWO
STEP APPROACH TOWARD A SOLUTION. Contemporary Family
Therapy: An International Journal December, 20(4), 505-520.
 Lowenstein, L. F. (2007). Parental Alienation: How to understand and
address parental alienation resulting from acrimonious divorce or
separation. London: Russell House Publishing.
 Lund, M. (1995). A Therapist's View of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 33(3), 308-316.
 McIntosh, J. (2003). Enduring Conflict in Parental Separation: Pathways
of Impact on Child Development. Journal of Family Studies, Vol. 9(1), 63-
80.
 Reahy, M (2011). Toxic Divorce-A Workbook for Alienated Parents
 Warshak, D. R. A. (2010). Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family
from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing. New York: Harper Collins.
© D.I.G Pty. Ltd S.Korosi 2013. May only be used with the
authors permission
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